One of the most important rules of writing deals with the ever-elusive, and oft-irritating exclamation point. From the first time I wrote my first sentence (which was, “Please stop Henry Winkler!”), teachers have told me that I should use the exclamation point sparingly. After all, how often am I so excited that I! Must! Yell! About! It!?

Not often. Recently, on someone else’s blog (who it was, I cannot remember, sorry whoever it was), I read that we’re all allowed three exclamation points in our life. To me, this is a good rule. After you use more than three you should be thrown in prison for three years and forced to listen to Barry Manilow.

(Right now someone is probably going through this blog counting the exclamation points. To that person I say, “Stop. They have medication for your disorder.”)

Why am I discussing this? Because a site that I once enjoyed has gone completely out of control. That site is Ain't It Cool News, run by the hirsute, self-obsessed Harry Knolwes. This site was once a great read with wonderful news and information about movies and television. Now, it’s a self-pleasuring of a man who is part of the pseudo-media.

My thoughts about Knowles and his writing style and self-adulation aside, the site still has some interesting tidbits. But only rarely. Were I to choose a movie news site I would have to vote for Dark Horizons . Garth Franklin gives me the news I need in a succinct and interesting manner. And, quite often, he does so with a flair that only an intelligent, movie-obsessed geek can bring to the table. Garth doesn’t do his site to make money or garner a fan base. Rather, he does so because if he didn’t, he’d be looking for this information himself.

So, why am I ragging on Harry and what does it have to do with exclamation points? Because Harry’s site currently contains no less than fifty-six exclamation points on various headlines. Fifty-six. Come on Harry. Let’s get serious here, can you not write a headline that doesn’t contain an exclamation point?

For that matter, why not write a headline that contains some sort of information? Maybe even writing craft? Read what you’ve written and write the headline based on the content, not the other way around.

Words, Harry, are able to convey emotion and have weight based purely on their combination. For example, you currently state “Ian McKellen will not be playing Dumbledore!!” Okay, first of all, use capitalization properly. But that’s beside the point.

Your headline actually contains information, but it does not require two exclamation points. In fact, it does not even need one. You could have said, “Rumor Denied: McKellen Will Not Play Dubmledore” or “McKellen Denies Accepting Role of Dumbledore.”

Rather than giving us a succinct headline, it’s buried in eighteen layers of tripe fit for a fourteen-year-old girl’s love note. Stop it. Damn it, stop it now.

I love movies too. But I can’t read your site anymore. It’s more like reading your diary. Or worse, what you consider your memoirs. Just stop. Now. Save us all the trouble.

Or let me put it in terms you can understand. Stop!! No More Exclamation Points!! They’re Annoying!!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Can I tell you how damn tired I am? I’m exhausted. Really damn tired. I’ve been working like mad to get everything done and it feels like nothing ever does get done. Sigh. I should be almost done. Right? Right? Someone please tell me I’m almost done.

My time needs have been compounded by the holidays and the fact that I have a kid home with me all day long. I’m pulling double duty during the day and working through the night. And damn it if I’m not too damn honest about my billable hours. I’ve been told that I’m overly generous. But, I’m working for people I consider friends, so I bill what I feel is appropriate.

So, Christmas was good. Matilda seems to have loved all of her gifts. Especially Tony Hawk 4. She’s a skate hound. Gertrude really dug the idea of Christmas. She’d open a gift and exclaim, “Wow! Wow!” It didn’t matter what it was, she just was amazed by the fact something was hidden behind those colorful pieces of paper.

Her favorite gift, I think, is the series of Wiggles tapes she was given. She stared at the boxes lovingly, as if the photos of The Wiggles were actually family portraits. When she saw them, she wiggled appropriately. And, of course, we’ve watched them all repeatedly.

My lovely wife loved the gift I gave her, which was a replica of the Evenstar pendant Arwen gives Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings. She’s worn it constantly since she opened it. I suppose that’s a good sign. However, she truly believes that she’s now and elf and refuses to trade her immortality for a time-expired mortal life with me.

Sigh.

My gifts? Well, I got a real Pendleton shirt. Like the Beach Boys used to wear. I think I may be the only person on Earth who thinks it’s cool. But it is. I also got a groovy Guinness t-shirt, bongos (so I can be like Richard Feynman) and a bumper sticker that says “Feynman Lives!”. Can’t wait to put that one up.

Add to that a bunch of DVDs, CDs, gift certificates and it all adds up to one hell of a haul. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I’ll try to repeat it.

Finally, to round out the season, I picked up something for myself that should make my working life easier. The Sidekick is a combination phone and personal organizer. I’ll be able to get my calls and pick up my email on the same device. How is this good? I’ll be able to get my email anywhere. I won’t be tied to this damn computer anymore. Plus, it has a full keyboard so I’ll be able to respond.

You have no idea how freeing it’ll be to be able to sit outside and answer my email without worry. Or in front of the TV. Or at someone else’s house. I’ll be able to do portions of my job while hanging out with my family SOME WHERE OTHER THAN MY OFFICE. Do you have any idea what that means?
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It’s funny, but the more I work, the more I get stressed, the more I look at my kids in wonder. I get overwhelmed with love.

We spend so much time worrying about what people will think, how this deadline is looming, how much money we’re making and so much more, but sometimes we just forget what’s really important.

I have no idea what’s important to you. But what’s important to me are these two little girls for whom my life exists. Sure, the seven-year-old and I are constantly squabbling over silly things these days and the baby seems to prefer her mother over me, but still . . . this is why I’m here.

Everyone is told that they have a purpose in life. As you grow, you assume that yours will be lofty. You’ll cure cancer. You’ll invent something that will make life easier. You’ll write the Great American Novel.

My purpose in life is to make these two girls smile. Because when they smile nothing else matters. Not my stupid deadlines, not the burning acid in my stomach. Nothing.

Because when they smile I look at that little electric face and say to myself, “I did that. I created a pure emotion in someone else. And damn it, I’m proud.”

If my life is to be measured by giggles and smirks, then so be it. Because when I look back on my life I’ll be able to say I truly accomplished something. I made two (hopefully happy) human beings.

And that beats the hell out of the Great American Novel.

Have a very Gary Christmas! (It's Christmas with Theremins!)

(Go here if you're on a dial-up.)

I'll be out for the next week or so. I may pop in periodically, but I'm going to take advantage of the time home with my family. Even if I am working.

Enjoy whatever holiday it is that you celebrate, be it Christmas, Kwanza or Greek Orthodox Buddy Holly Day.

Starting after Christmas Science Fiction Twin will be doing an interesting experiment.

I, Gary O’Brien, will be going through my entire CD collection (minus Elvis Costello). I plan on listening to three CDs a day, in alphabetical order.

Which means, of course, that my first day will include:

John Adams (classical), Admiral Twin and Air.

Not a bad first day.

Here’s my theory. By me reminiscing about these CDs, you’ll be able to learn about my life in unexpected ways. After all, my CD collection is not just a bunch of plastic encoded with 0s and 1s.

It’s a time capsule that captured particular moments of my life in crystalline. Each CD has a story and each story is very uninteresting.

Of course, there will be spots where it won’t say much. Such as, the Beatles. There’s an obvious reason why I own a lot of Beatles CDs.

So, join me in my journey through myself. I’ll call it, “The Gary O’Brien Audio Biograpy.”

I’d like to take this moment to welcome little Juliet to the world. She was born this morning to my dear friends Ryan and Aixa.

Welcome Juliet! You have some really great parents.

I’d also like to apologize for my ramblings about The Two Towers yesterday. Fatigue and excitement made it difficult to write.

Sorry.

Hell is nearly over. I should be back to my normal ramblings within the next month.

And hey, let’s be careful out there. Or something.

How Geek are you?

Probably not as Geek as I am. Nor my wife.

What did you do yesterday? What did I do? Well, the wife and I took the day off to . . . no, not go Christmas shopping . . . to see The Two Towers.

And, it was awe-inspiring. Amazing. Simply amazing. We had an incredible time and couldn’t imagine a better way to spend an unseasonably warm, rainy as hell, December day.

We’re both very big Lord of the Rings fans. I’ve been one since I was 12 when my brother Marty handed me a copy of the Hobbit and said, “Read this.” I did and fell in love with the world of Middle-Earth. After devouring the entire series, I went back to Middle-Earth as often as I could. I dreamed about it, I thought about it. I considered it and I wondered if I would ever get to see it.

I even watched the incomplete Ralph Bashki versions and they bored me to tears.

I remember last year when I watched The Fellowship of the Ring and I was just amazed at the terrifying and beautiful images that I was being fed. For the first time in my life I felt as if I was in a world I had been imagining all my life. It had come alive. The wife and I have watched many, many times the new extended version of the Fellowship and have loved every single minute of it.

After a long, long year we finally got to see The Two Towers and we were amazed.

From beginning to end, the film is a feast, both visually and emotionally. Huge battles, internal conflict shown externally, humor, pathos and more. There’s not much character development here, but that was true of the books as well. We were in pursuit and battle mode.

At the end of the film, the official War of the Ring has not begun yet. We’re still dealing with Isengard posturing itself as a new land of darkness. But Sauron and his minions are moving toward an all out war and the time of Men could be coming to an end. There is a huge, desperate battle by a race of people who see this as possibly their final moment. There is a sadness here that is deeper than almost any that we have seen. This battle, the Battles of Helm’s Deep, is perhaps one of the most amazing cinematic battle ever filmed.

Once again, Legolas proves himself as the Elf with the Mostest. He kicks some major, major ass. He’s pristine, agile and amazing. If I were an otherworldly warrior, I would be Legolas.

The time is right for these stories to be told again. The world is constantly looking for a hero and Lord of the Rings offers us heroes of almost every type. There is the noble, the reluctant, the giving, the sacrifice. And, if anyone ever thought war of any sort was glorious, The Two Towers proves them wrong. No matter what the reason for war in The Lord of the Rings, the battle is always fought with a heavy heart. “Too much blood has already been shed this day.”

And now the wait for next year begins . . .

All I want for Christmas this year is my very own sword. I’d like a replica of Narsil from Lord of the Rings (after it’s been reforged, of course) but I’d settle for any old sword.

Now, before you think I’ve become one of those crazy guys who dress up in tights and go to Renaissance Fairs to pretend that I’m some glory hound from the days of yesteryear, I should clarify. My sword would be a practical device.

I’m not one for guns, but I want to protect my family. So, I’d keep the sword sheathed under my bed and if anyone broke in I’d come charging down the stairs, sword drawn, yelling, “Back ye forces of darkness lest I send your souls to the gates of Hell!”

The criminal element would then flee, despite the fact that they are better armed. After all, could they match a guy bearing a sword and wearing Mickey Mouse slippers? No.

And then, when they met up at their yearly convention they’d attend a round-table discussion on defense against homeowners. They’d say, “Stay away from this O’Brien guy. He’s nuts. He has a sword.”

Ooh. Maybe I’ll douse it in lighter fluid and set it ablaze. They’d think I was the Arch Angel Michael come to take their souls.

This has definite potential.