First Day of Fourth Grade

Matilda went off to her first day of fourth grade today. She kind of gave a head nod, hopped on the bus and that was that. She didn't want long, protracted good-byes. No words of wisdom, no advice, no ticker tape. We had to cancel the juggling monkey parade. She's not a little kid anymore. I have to accept that.

Poor Gertrude, however, was inconsolable. As soon as Matilda disappeared into the bus, Gert let out a wail of despair and sadness that will forever be known in our neighborhood as the sound of a soul being destroyed. She was devastated that she would again be alone during the day. All summer long her big sister played school, games, on playgrounds. Gert had a fantastic summer because of her big sister. And now, once again, she's been separated from her because she's just too little. The kind of existential pain that causes is hard for us adults to understand because, for us, six hours apart is nothing. For kids it's an entire lifetime.

After the bus pulled away she hopped out of mommy's arms and ran to me, calling out "Daddy!" in the middle of a heartfelt sob. She was due to go to grandma's today so I could go to a client's office. That separation was a psychic wound as well.

We hugged and gave kisses and she got in mommy's car. Through the glass I heard her pleading for another hug and kiss. So I opened the door and she hugged me with a ferocity that was pleading to stay with me.

"Daddy," she said, "I want you."

I gave her my necklace (unfortunately a Medic Alert, so I hope I don't need that today) and told her she could take care of it for me today. That ebbed the flow of tears a bit.

But as the car pulled away I heard a plaintive wail of "Daaaaadeeeeeee!" There was a sound of shattering glass in my chest and a lump developed in my throat. And the dog and I walked back home from the bus stop. Alone.

So, in Gert's honor today I give you Calexico's version of the Love classic "Alone Again Or". While Calexico's version is fantastic, I suggest that everyone go out and buy Love's amazing album "Forever Changes". Everyone should have a copy.

Calexico - Alone Again Or (via Insound)