Are those floppy-eared dogs bouncing on yoga balls? What the fuck? Damn the Internet and the ease of finding crap like this so easily (Stereogum deserves punishment for this one). I now have auralthelioma.
Here, rinse and spit with this, with a touch of Levon Helm:
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Billy, Don't Be a Hiro
Good news for Snowcrash fans. Really good news. Alarmingly cool, yet disturbingly weird news. But cool! In a strange way.
At least this is the kind of stuff they are doing and not something like Soylent Green.
At least this is the kind of stuff they are doing and not something like Soylent Green.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Oscar the Grouch?
Possible Tour de France Winner Oscar Pereiro is proving my point about how screwed up this process is.
Let's look at the steps according to Oscar, and apparently the Tour organizers (not assuming that they knew Floyd tested positive before the end of the tour, because of course a doping scandal on top of a doping scandal is just fantastic publicity for the Tour . . . I mean, why not let the guy win and then take things away? Makes more sense, right?).
The World According to Oscar
1. Floyd Landis wins.
2. Floyd tests positive, is suspended. Fair enough.
3. Floyd relinquishes the jersey.
4. Oscar wins.
5. Floyd disappears forever, never to be seen again so that Oscar can be the twentieth greatest Spanish cyclist ever (he did ride off a mountain last year while eating a sandwich). If that.
This whole process according to Oscar is swift and if guilt is without any doubt, fair. Except for one thing. Guilt isn't without any doubt. Or it shouldn't be. And that damn hearing where the rider has a chance to prove innocence, or faulty testing, or a French conspiracy (which is totally true, unless you're a sissy). If there is true balance in the process, then the accused rider has a chance at innocence. Hell, if this is all done right, WADA, the UCI and ASO would be following the same rules.
So, in the World According to Oscar, since he is deserving winner of course, Floyd is guilty, guilty, guilty.
But suppose he's not. Then you have the following steps in Oscar's world.
6. Floyd proves his innocence.
7. Floyd is declared the rightful winner of the Tour. ASO, the UCI and WADA, all ashamed of how hypocritical they are in a variety of situations, giving passes to guys who have "asthma" but going after guys for butt cream or because their dog might have visited a Spanish doctor, all give Floyd a gift certificate to Cracker Barrel. Oh, and the yellow jersey.
8. Oscar is demoted back to second place.
9. The Tour, of course, doesn't look like a farce because they keep changing the results.
10. We all laugh.
Look, again, not saying that you shouldn't go after the guilty riders. All I'm saying is if there's a process, follow it. You can't execute a guy before the trial. Unless you're in a secret CIA prison.
Right? Maybe I'm just stupid, but it seems like the riders aren't the only ones who cheat the system and ignore rules. It looks like the governing bodies also take a very loose stance on said rules.
Let's look at the steps according to Oscar, and apparently the Tour organizers (not assuming that they knew Floyd tested positive before the end of the tour, because of course a doping scandal on top of a doping scandal is just fantastic publicity for the Tour . . . I mean, why not let the guy win and then take things away? Makes more sense, right?).
The World According to Oscar
1. Floyd Landis wins.
2. Floyd tests positive, is suspended. Fair enough.
3. Floyd relinquishes the jersey.
4. Oscar wins.
5. Floyd disappears forever, never to be seen again so that Oscar can be the twentieth greatest Spanish cyclist ever (he did ride off a mountain last year while eating a sandwich). If that.
This whole process according to Oscar is swift and if guilt is without any doubt, fair. Except for one thing. Guilt isn't without any doubt. Or it shouldn't be. And that damn hearing where the rider has a chance to prove innocence, or faulty testing, or a French conspiracy (which is totally true, unless you're a sissy). If there is true balance in the process, then the accused rider has a chance at innocence. Hell, if this is all done right, WADA, the UCI and ASO would be following the same rules.
So, in the World According to Oscar, since he is deserving winner of course, Floyd is guilty, guilty, guilty.
But suppose he's not. Then you have the following steps in Oscar's world.
6. Floyd proves his innocence.
7. Floyd is declared the rightful winner of the Tour. ASO, the UCI and WADA, all ashamed of how hypocritical they are in a variety of situations, giving passes to guys who have "asthma" but going after guys for butt cream or because their dog might have visited a Spanish doctor, all give Floyd a gift certificate to Cracker Barrel. Oh, and the yellow jersey.
8. Oscar is demoted back to second place.
9. The Tour, of course, doesn't look like a farce because they keep changing the results.
10. We all laugh.
Look, again, not saying that you shouldn't go after the guilty riders. All I'm saying is if there's a process, follow it. You can't execute a guy before the trial. Unless you're in a secret CIA prison.
Right? Maybe I'm just stupid, but it seems like the riders aren't the only ones who cheat the system and ignore rules. It looks like the governing bodies also take a very loose stance on said rules.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
WADA You Mean?
Yes, this is about Floyd Landis. The great shame of U.S. cycling these days, it seems. And, if he’s guilty, rightly so. If he’s a cheater he needs to be dealt with accordingly. Just like all suspected dopers, Floyd is denying that he cheated. It’s a likely story. After all, it’s rare that anyone admits to being a cheat. Even if they are caught red handed.
Now, I’ll be honest I have no idea what I’m talking about here. I know nothing of UCI, WADA or any other rules. I’m just having an emotional reaction to what I think is a situation that unfairly assumes guilt and leaves little room for innocence. And, let’s face it, cycling has a checkered past so it’s not surprising that there is very little trust for a cyclist.
For the record, I want to believe Floyd and am inclined to believe him.
Again, this is all emotional. I am not speaking with any sense of authority. Just sadness and confusion. If you truly want to keep up with this case, make sure you check Trust But Verify, the online clearing house for all things Landis, all the time.
According to the UCI (cycling’s governing body), the organizers of the Tour de France and the leader of the World Anti-Doping Agency, Floyd did it. In fact, they were pronouncing his guilt before Landis had even seen the results of his own tests. Worse, they were touting to the media that he should be drawn and quartered before his B sample was tested. According to the rules that these organizations themselves set up to protect an athlete from a false positive, no one should have been told about a positive test until the B sample was analyzed. Instead, the story was in the media before the rider himself even knew. Go figure.
Now Floyd must defend himself to the anti-doping agency, his cycling federation and to the public. Only, the problem with that is the public has already made up its mind based on news reports that, in some cases, weren’t even reporting actual facts. Here’s what the public knows.
1. Floyd won the Tour.
2. Floyd cheated.
3. If he says he didn’t cheat he’s lying.
4. Any possible recourse he can follow is just a ploy.
5. If he’s trying to prove the test was flawed, he’s guilty and trying to get off on a technicality.
6. If he’s innocent then he has to prove it.
7. But he can’t prove it using any explanation that involves someone else giving him something, the test being flawed, that there was a natural explanation, nor can he say that the lab screwed up. Because none of these will prove he’s innocent, it only shows how guilty the lying son of a bitch is.
Here’s my problem with this. According to the court of public opinion, Floyd has been convicted. However, he still has the right to prove his innocence at a hearing with the USADA early next year, which is why he is currently mounting his defense and allowing a bunch of cycling geeks to analyze his test results. So, obviously, if he didn’t dope he can argue that at the hearing, right?
Not exactly. You see, he really only has two options: 1. That the test was right, but he accidentally took the banned substance, making him an idiot or 2. The tests were wrong, or compromised. Option two doesn’t clear Floyd, exactly. It just shows that there was a mistake.
So, if I understand the rules here, no matter what Floyd is guilty. He’s either guilty on purpose, guilty by accident or guilty but going to get away with it due to a faulty test or sample.
I’m not saying that Floyd is innocent. I’m just astounded by a process that is supposed to be a form of “justice”. Guilty athletes must be dealt with quickly and harshly. They mustn’t be allowed to cheat. However, no process is infallible. There is a chance that an innocent athlete could be caught up in a mistake, a lab error, or falsely accused. But, according to these guidelines, there is no innocence. According to these guidelines if you’re standing in front of a hearing you are guilty of something.
I guess that’s my problem. If, by chance, Floyd is telling the truth and he did not dope, there is nothing he can really do to prove it. The samples are gone; he can’t ask for a retest, he can’t pee again for that particular day. He can’t ask for the samples to be re-examined. All he can do is answer the accusations. There’s really no way for him to prove that he did not take anything before Stage 17.
In my mind he’s screwed. If he’s guilty, then forget it. It’s over. If he’s innocent and he didn’t do it, it’s too late. The only way he can get off is by proving that the lab screwed up. But in the eyes of the public, he’s still going to be the doper who got off on a technicality.
I guess that’s my problem. How can one defend one’s self in a situation where you can only defend yourself with “I cheated by accident” or “My pee was mishandled”.
Shouldn’t there be a system that could be used to protect an athlete who might actually be innocent? Again, I’m not saying that Floyd is. But what if he is? What if there’s another guy out there who gets caught up in something because samples were messed up?
It’s simply too late for them. The “lab messed up” defense is problematic because, even if they did and you are 100% clean, the public has already decided based on the accusations that you are guilty. Hell, I’ve read arguments that Floyd is guilty simply because he’s defending himself. Huh? If he hides, people assume he’s guilty. If he puts out all the evidence against him for people to analyze and distribute then, obviously, he’s guilty because it’s all a ploy.
So, if that’s the case, why have the hearing? Why give an athlete any opportunity to pretend they aren’t guilty? Because, based on the very system that’s supposed to “protect” them, they are guilty liars.
Now, I’ll be honest I have no idea what I’m talking about here. I know nothing of UCI, WADA or any other rules. I’m just having an emotional reaction to what I think is a situation that unfairly assumes guilt and leaves little room for innocence. And, let’s face it, cycling has a checkered past so it’s not surprising that there is very little trust for a cyclist.
For the record, I want to believe Floyd and am inclined to believe him.
Again, this is all emotional. I am not speaking with any sense of authority. Just sadness and confusion. If you truly want to keep up with this case, make sure you check Trust But Verify, the online clearing house for all things Landis, all the time.
According to the UCI (cycling’s governing body), the organizers of the Tour de France and the leader of the World Anti-Doping Agency, Floyd did it. In fact, they were pronouncing his guilt before Landis had even seen the results of his own tests. Worse, they were touting to the media that he should be drawn and quartered before his B sample was tested. According to the rules that these organizations themselves set up to protect an athlete from a false positive, no one should have been told about a positive test until the B sample was analyzed. Instead, the story was in the media before the rider himself even knew. Go figure.
Now Floyd must defend himself to the anti-doping agency, his cycling federation and to the public. Only, the problem with that is the public has already made up its mind based on news reports that, in some cases, weren’t even reporting actual facts. Here’s what the public knows.
1. Floyd won the Tour.
2. Floyd cheated.
3. If he says he didn’t cheat he’s lying.
4. Any possible recourse he can follow is just a ploy.
5. If he’s trying to prove the test was flawed, he’s guilty and trying to get off on a technicality.
6. If he’s innocent then he has to prove it.
7. But he can’t prove it using any explanation that involves someone else giving him something, the test being flawed, that there was a natural explanation, nor can he say that the lab screwed up. Because none of these will prove he’s innocent, it only shows how guilty the lying son of a bitch is.
Here’s my problem with this. According to the court of public opinion, Floyd has been convicted. However, he still has the right to prove his innocence at a hearing with the USADA early next year, which is why he is currently mounting his defense and allowing a bunch of cycling geeks to analyze his test results. So, obviously, if he didn’t dope he can argue that at the hearing, right?
Not exactly. You see, he really only has two options: 1. That the test was right, but he accidentally took the banned substance, making him an idiot or 2. The tests were wrong, or compromised. Option two doesn’t clear Floyd, exactly. It just shows that there was a mistake.
So, if I understand the rules here, no matter what Floyd is guilty. He’s either guilty on purpose, guilty by accident or guilty but going to get away with it due to a faulty test or sample.
I’m not saying that Floyd is innocent. I’m just astounded by a process that is supposed to be a form of “justice”. Guilty athletes must be dealt with quickly and harshly. They mustn’t be allowed to cheat. However, no process is infallible. There is a chance that an innocent athlete could be caught up in a mistake, a lab error, or falsely accused. But, according to these guidelines, there is no innocence. According to these guidelines if you’re standing in front of a hearing you are guilty of something.
I guess that’s my problem. If, by chance, Floyd is telling the truth and he did not dope, there is nothing he can really do to prove it. The samples are gone; he can’t ask for a retest, he can’t pee again for that particular day. He can’t ask for the samples to be re-examined. All he can do is answer the accusations. There’s really no way for him to prove that he did not take anything before Stage 17.
In my mind he’s screwed. If he’s guilty, then forget it. It’s over. If he’s innocent and he didn’t do it, it’s too late. The only way he can get off is by proving that the lab screwed up. But in the eyes of the public, he’s still going to be the doper who got off on a technicality.
I guess that’s my problem. How can one defend one’s self in a situation where you can only defend yourself with “I cheated by accident” or “My pee was mishandled”.
Shouldn’t there be a system that could be used to protect an athlete who might actually be innocent? Again, I’m not saying that Floyd is. But what if he is? What if there’s another guy out there who gets caught up in something because samples were messed up?
It’s simply too late for them. The “lab messed up” defense is problematic because, even if they did and you are 100% clean, the public has already decided based on the accusations that you are guilty. Hell, I’ve read arguments that Floyd is guilty simply because he’s defending himself. Huh? If he hides, people assume he’s guilty. If he puts out all the evidence against him for people to analyze and distribute then, obviously, he’s guilty because it’s all a ploy.
So, if that’s the case, why have the hearing? Why give an athlete any opportunity to pretend they aren’t guilty? Because, based on the very system that’s supposed to “protect” them, they are guilty liars.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
A Clarification
It's come to my attention that I need to clarify my comments in my previous post. Something, to follow the current fashion, got all roostered up. While I find Carlton's recap of the Lim defense admirable and feel that it is something that should be discussed along with the possible artificial elements that could have lead to Floyd Landis' dramatic Stage 17 ride, that was not the quote I was referring to. Though, it's a compelling two minute argument on Carlton's part (for the record, I like Carlton, he's a passionate, smart individual).
The quote I was specifically referring to was Carlton's turn of a phrase "Man Juice Patch". I found that funny. In the midst of all the commentary on metabolites, lab errors, calibration and more, I just find the phrasing he used funny. It felt like he brought things back down to my level with that.
The quote I was specifically referring to was Carlton's turn of a phrase "Man Juice Patch". I found that funny. In the midst of all the commentary on metabolites, lab errors, calibration and more, I just find the phrasing he used funny. It felt like he brought things back down to my level with that.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Freshly Squeezed Quote of the Day
The Spokesmen Podcast, a kind of round table discussion of cycling with some of the best cycling podcasters, covers the release of Floyd Landis' evidence last week. In doing so, they discuss the possible reasons other than testosterone for Floyd's amazing ride on Stage 17.
Carlton Reid discusses what Allen Lim sees as Floyd's secrets behind the stage win:
1. Descending: Floyd gained all his time on the downhill portions. He's a former mountain biker and he proved his skills.
2. Power Output: If you look at the data from that ride, Floyd's wattage was similar to a training ride. He kept his core body temperature down and was able to ride like a demon because he was comfortable, hydrated and motivated. In fact, looking at the numbers, he didn't even do that stellar of a ride. His numbers matched those of a typical training ride.
3. Mistakes: Floyd's opponents made a lot of mistakes and Floyd took advantage of them.
But that's all moot. Floyd's innocence or guilt comes down to the discussion of the contents of two vials of urine now. However, Carlton really put this whole situation into perspective with one key quote.
I can't justify it by typing. So I've edited down his comments to this key moment. Listen all the way through. It's worth it. This clip gives you the full context. The key quote is at the very end. The word "juice" is involved.
Now go listen to the podcast. This episode has tons of great content, beyond man juice. David, of the Fredcast, does a fantastic job all around producing the podcast. In fact, listen to both. David puts out some great shows. Yet, why he didn't seize on this quote as the title for this episode, I don't know.
Carlton Reid discusses what Allen Lim sees as Floyd's secrets behind the stage win:
1. Descending: Floyd gained all his time on the downhill portions. He's a former mountain biker and he proved his skills.
2. Power Output: If you look at the data from that ride, Floyd's wattage was similar to a training ride. He kept his core body temperature down and was able to ride like a demon because he was comfortable, hydrated and motivated. In fact, looking at the numbers, he didn't even do that stellar of a ride. His numbers matched those of a typical training ride.
3. Mistakes: Floyd's opponents made a lot of mistakes and Floyd took advantage of them.
But that's all moot. Floyd's innocence or guilt comes down to the discussion of the contents of two vials of urine now. However, Carlton really put this whole situation into perspective with one key quote.
I can't justify it by typing. So I've edited down his comments to this key moment. Listen all the way through. It's worth it. This clip gives you the full context. The key quote is at the very end. The word "juice" is involved.
Now go listen to the podcast. This episode has tons of great content, beyond man juice. David, of the Fredcast, does a fantastic job all around producing the podcast. In fact, listen to both. David puts out some great shows. Yet, why he didn't seize on this quote as the title for this episode, I don't know.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Tour of Missouri: It's Real
It's official. The governor announced it yesterday, with the help of Fast Freddy Rodriguez, of all people. I'm not sure why he was there, as I don't think any Pro Tour teams will participate. I guess he's a high profile American racer. Or something.
I'm going to be following this as much as I can. I think I'll skip the early days, but I'll probably go stake out some spots in the Ozarks during the "climbing" stages or maybe I'll head down south when they hit the Branson area. And, you can bet I'll be at the finish line on the last day here in St. Louis.
Now I just need to figure out a way to work for this thing. So here you go:
Sponsors, organizers, local bike shops and anyone who is planning on having a group of people doing something on each stage: I work from home. I love cycling. I'll work hard. I'll do what you want. Please? I just need an excuse to follow the race from start to finish and if I have to drive a van and hand out key chains, I'll do it. If you want to organize a "Ride the Tour" event, I'll drive the SAG wagon. Whatever you want. Seriously. Call me.
I'm going to be following this as much as I can. I think I'll skip the early days, but I'll probably go stake out some spots in the Ozarks during the "climbing" stages or maybe I'll head down south when they hit the Branson area. And, you can bet I'll be at the finish line on the last day here in St. Louis.
Now I just need to figure out a way to work for this thing. So here you go:
Sponsors, organizers, local bike shops and anyone who is planning on having a group of people doing something on each stage: I work from home. I love cycling. I'll work hard. I'll do what you want. Please? I just need an excuse to follow the race from start to finish and if I have to drive a van and hand out key chains, I'll do it. If you want to organize a "Ride the Tour" event, I'll drive the SAG wagon. Whatever you want. Seriously. Call me.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Flower Girl
Gert made her major-label debut as a flower girl this weekend at my niece’s wedding. Though Gert never wiped the goofy smile off her face, she hit the ball out of the park. Her only disappointment? She said she missed some flower dropping parts as she walked down the aisle. She tried to hit them on the way back, but alas it was not to be.
She partied on into the night and had a fantastic time dancing, eating chocolate and drinking Shirley Temples. Sadly she ended up whacked out on cherries and Sprite. By ten she was telling everyone she loved them and by 10:15 she had gotten into a fight with a flower girl at the wedding reception next door. Though the police weren't called, it was decided she would be better served if she went home and went to bed. Which she did. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.
My point? She's cute. You can't deny.
I was going to link up a Joe Henry song called “Flower Girl”, for obvious reasons. However, I realized that someone would eventually actually listen to the song and wonder what a song about a depressed miner had to do with Gert.
She partied on into the night and had a fantastic time dancing, eating chocolate and drinking Shirley Temples. Sadly she ended up whacked out on cherries and Sprite. By ten she was telling everyone she loved them and by 10:15 she had gotten into a fight with a flower girl at the wedding reception next door. Though the police weren't called, it was decided she would be better served if she went home and went to bed. Which she did. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.
My point? She's cute. You can't deny.
I was going to link up a Joe Henry song called “Flower Girl”, for obvious reasons. However, I realized that someone would eventually actually listen to the song and wonder what a song about a depressed miner had to do with Gert.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Lance Armstrong's Revenge
This is offensive. Insanely offensive. But when I watched it on TV on Sunday I nearly wet myself laughing (which is usually the case with Robot Chicken, but this was especially funny).
If you're at the office, you may not want to watch because your boss will make you sit in the corner for the rest of the day to think about what you've done. If your kids are around, they'll want to watch because it's animated. But don't let them unless you want to explain a few things . . .
That being said, get out the depends.
If you're at the office, you may not want to watch because your boss will make you sit in the corner for the rest of the day to think about what you've done. If your kids are around, they'll want to watch because it's animated. But don't let them unless you want to explain a few things . . .
That being said, get out the depends.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Update!
I know I said I wouldn’t talk about cycling anymore, but this is important. Matilda came home excited. Bouncing even.
“Dad! I have superlicious news!”
No, I don’t know what superlicious means. However, I assumed it was good because when a pre-teen is happy about anything and not glaring at you like she’s about to eat your internal organs with the next hormonal surge, then it’s a good thing.
“You’re going to be really excited,” she chirped as she sat down next to me, practically on the laptop on which I was typing.
“What is it,” I asked. Sure, it was three words, but oh did they open the flood gates.
“Well,” she said, “todaywasthedaywefoundoutaboutthefrenchclubmeetingsandiwanttosigh
upforitbecauseireallylikefrenchandbecauseemilygracieandhannahareallthinkngabout
joingingpluswhenitookcomparativeculturesireallylikedthefrenchpartalotbetterthangerman
orspanishandwegotthesignupsheetstodaydidimentionthatitsontuesdaysbutnotonthesametuesd
aysasmyotherafterschoolmeetinganywayigotthesignupsheettodayandguesswhattheyneed
volunteersforsomeofthemeetingsandyoullbereallyhappywhenyouhearwhattheyaregoingtod
inaprilguesscomeonguessokayilltellyouthetourdefranceyoutotallyhavetodoit!”
“Well,” I said, “that sounds amazing! I only wish I understood what you said. Could you maybe slow it down and tell me again?”
“Sure,” she said, taking a really deep breath, “todaywasthedaywefoundoutaboutthefrenchclubmeetingsandiwanttosignupforit
becauseireallylikefrenchandbecauseemilygracieandhannahareallthinkngaboutjoingingplus
whenitookcomparativeculturesireallylikedthefrenchpartalotbetterthangermanorspanishand
wegotthesignupsheetstodaydidimentionthatitsontuesdaysbutnotonthesametuesdaysasmyother
afterschoolmeeting anywayigotthesignupsheettodayandguesswhattheyneedvolunteersfor
someofthemeetingsandyoullbereallyhappywhenyouhearwhattheyaregoingtodoinaprilguess
comeonguessokayilltellyouthetourdefranceyoutotallyhavetodoit!”
“Wait,” I said, “Huh?”
“Dad, I totally paused that time! Fine. Today was the day we found out about the French club meetings and I want to sign up for it because I really like French and because Emily, Gracie and Hannah are all thinking about joining, plus when I took Comparative Cultures, I really liked the French part a lot better than German or Spanish and we got the sign up sheets today did I mention that it’s on Tuesdays. But not on the same Tuesdays as my other rafter school meeting. Anyway, I got the sign up sheet today and, guess what? They need volunteers for some of the meetings and you’ll be really happy when you hear what they are going to do in April! Guess! Come on guess! Okay, I’ll tell you. The Tour de France! You totally have to do it!”
“I’ll be happy to do it,” I said. “I think it would be fun to talk about it, how the language has actually become a significant part of the sport and how French culture is intertwined with the race. Luckily I’ve done a bunch of reading on the race and its history, so it should be a breeze. Plus I can even bring some DVDs and other stuff.”
“Cool, I’ll go get the form!” When she came back, I signed it and it went into her backpack. Before she went to go watch TV she looked back over her shoulder at me.
“Oh,” she said matter of fatly, “please don’t embarrass me.”
I’m not sure if it was a request or not. But I’m going to assume it was a challenge. I’m preparing my speech about how a man with one ball won the race seven times in a row, which is better than any two-balled racer ever!
“Dad! I have superlicious news!”
No, I don’t know what superlicious means. However, I assumed it was good because when a pre-teen is happy about anything and not glaring at you like she’s about to eat your internal organs with the next hormonal surge, then it’s a good thing.
“You’re going to be really excited,” she chirped as she sat down next to me, practically on the laptop on which I was typing.
“What is it,” I asked. Sure, it was three words, but oh did they open the flood gates.
“Well,” she said, “todaywasthedaywefoundoutaboutthefrenchclubmeetingsandiwanttosigh
upforitbecauseireallylikefrenchandbecauseemilygracieandhannahareallthinkngabout
joingingpluswhenitookcomparativeculturesireallylikedthefrenchpartalotbetterthangerman
orspanishandwegotthesignupsheetstodaydidimentionthatitsontuesdaysbutnotonthesametuesd
aysasmyotherafterschoolmeetinganywayigotthesignupsheettodayandguesswhattheyneed
volunteersforsomeofthemeetingsandyoullbereallyhappywhenyouhearwhattheyaregoingtod
inaprilguesscomeonguessokayilltellyouthetourdefranceyoutotallyhavetodoit!”
“Well,” I said, “that sounds amazing! I only wish I understood what you said. Could you maybe slow it down and tell me again?”
“Sure,” she said, taking a really deep breath, “todaywasthedaywefoundoutaboutthefrenchclubmeetingsandiwanttosignupforit
becauseireallylikefrenchandbecauseemilygracieandhannahareallthinkngaboutjoingingplus
whenitookcomparativeculturesireallylikedthefrenchpartalotbetterthangermanorspanishand
wegotthesignupsheetstodaydidimentionthatitsontuesdaysbutnotonthesametuesdaysasmyother
afterschoolmeeting anywayigotthesignupsheettodayandguesswhattheyneedvolunteersfor
someofthemeetingsandyoullbereallyhappywhenyouhearwhattheyaregoingtodoinaprilguess
comeonguessokayilltellyouthetourdefranceyoutotallyhavetodoit!”
“Wait,” I said, “Huh?”
“Dad, I totally paused that time! Fine. Today was the day we found out about the French club meetings and I want to sign up for it because I really like French and because Emily, Gracie and Hannah are all thinking about joining, plus when I took Comparative Cultures, I really liked the French part a lot better than German or Spanish and we got the sign up sheets today did I mention that it’s on Tuesdays. But not on the same Tuesdays as my other rafter school meeting. Anyway, I got the sign up sheet today and, guess what? They need volunteers for some of the meetings and you’ll be really happy when you hear what they are going to do in April! Guess! Come on guess! Okay, I’ll tell you. The Tour de France! You totally have to do it!”
“I’ll be happy to do it,” I said. “I think it would be fun to talk about it, how the language has actually become a significant part of the sport and how French culture is intertwined with the race. Luckily I’ve done a bunch of reading on the race and its history, so it should be a breeze. Plus I can even bring some DVDs and other stuff.”
“Cool, I’ll go get the form!” When she came back, I signed it and it went into her backpack. Before she went to go watch TV she looked back over her shoulder at me.
“Oh,” she said matter of fatly, “please don’t embarrass me.”
I’m not sure if it was a request or not. But I’m going to assume it was a challenge. I’m preparing my speech about how a man with one ball won the race seven times in a row, which is better than any two-balled racer ever!
He’s Got Bigger Balls than Armstrong (Or At Least One)
Today I’m going to make two brief cycling points and then I’ll leave you alone about cycling for a bit. If you’re only interested in the cute Gert story, skip to point two.
1. Today Floyd Landis, the embattled winner of the 2006 Tour de France, has posted a PowerPoint presentation and other documentation of his defense against allegations, and a positive anti-doping test, that he cheated on the miraculous Stage 17 where he defied all conventional wisdom and smeared the field. Floyd has always maintained his innocence, albeit sometimes not very convincingly, and has come back out swinging.
More importantly, Landis has published the full documentation of his positive test, both A and B samples, from the French Lab. Raw data for wonks, geeks and fetishists to pore over and help publicize their findings.
This all leads up to Landis’ public hearing with the USADA that will likely occur early next year. Landis has taken the option to make this hearing open and public. It is important to note that thus far only one athlete accused of doping has ever used this open, public hearing option. That athlete is Floyd Landis.
Does this say to me that Floyd Landis is innocent? I cannot say. I do not know. I’m not well-versed in statistics, chemistry, biology or physiology, so I can’t comment much on the published material. What’s more much of it is in French. Unless it’s in Fry form, my French needs work.
However, for me, this does give me a measure of the man’s character. To represent himself to the world, provide the raw data on the accusations against him, allow the public (and the media) to interpret this material for themselves and open a debate on his guilt or innocence that is based fully on facts tells me that Landis is a man who will put his cards on the table.
Look, Floyd did an amazing thing on the bike in this year’s Tour, that’s without a doubt. Did he do it under his own power? I don’t know. But he’s going into this battle showing off a heck of a lot of character and honesty. That takes a lot of guts. He has chosen not to hide and wait, maintaining his innocence through press releases and moronic website postings (ahem Mr. Hamilton).
Is it a ploy? Could be. However, I’m willing to give Floyd my ear because, as some people might say, his mom seems to have raised a good boy.
2. Gert has frequently asked of we can hook her bike up to my trainer in the winter. It seems as though her little legs get antsy and need the workout. Plus, you know, she is training. Until recently, the answer was always no. Her bike’s just too small and doesn’t fit in the trainer. However, Carlton Reid at Bike Biz points us to a new product that will chase Gert’s winter blahs away. Perhaps I’ll get her a Spinnervals disc and train her to be a sprinter.
1. Today Floyd Landis, the embattled winner of the 2006 Tour de France, has posted a PowerPoint presentation and other documentation of his defense against allegations, and a positive anti-doping test, that he cheated on the miraculous Stage 17 where he defied all conventional wisdom and smeared the field. Floyd has always maintained his innocence, albeit sometimes not very convincingly, and has come back out swinging.
More importantly, Landis has published the full documentation of his positive test, both A and B samples, from the French Lab. Raw data for wonks, geeks and fetishists to pore over and help publicize their findings.
This all leads up to Landis’ public hearing with the USADA that will likely occur early next year. Landis has taken the option to make this hearing open and public. It is important to note that thus far only one athlete accused of doping has ever used this open, public hearing option. That athlete is Floyd Landis.
Does this say to me that Floyd Landis is innocent? I cannot say. I do not know. I’m not well-versed in statistics, chemistry, biology or physiology, so I can’t comment much on the published material. What’s more much of it is in French. Unless it’s in Fry form, my French needs work.
However, for me, this does give me a measure of the man’s character. To represent himself to the world, provide the raw data on the accusations against him, allow the public (and the media) to interpret this material for themselves and open a debate on his guilt or innocence that is based fully on facts tells me that Landis is a man who will put his cards on the table.
Look, Floyd did an amazing thing on the bike in this year’s Tour, that’s without a doubt. Did he do it under his own power? I don’t know. But he’s going into this battle showing off a heck of a lot of character and honesty. That takes a lot of guts. He has chosen not to hide and wait, maintaining his innocence through press releases and moronic website postings (ahem Mr. Hamilton).
Is it a ploy? Could be. However, I’m willing to give Floyd my ear because, as some people might say, his mom seems to have raised a good boy.
2. Gert has frequently asked of we can hook her bike up to my trainer in the winter. It seems as though her little legs get antsy and need the workout. Plus, you know, she is training. Until recently, the answer was always no. Her bike’s just too small and doesn’t fit in the trainer. However, Carlton Reid at Bike Biz points us to a new product that will chase Gert’s winter blahs away. Perhaps I’ll get her a Spinnervals disc and train her to be a sprinter.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Actual Morning Conversation
Me: Gert, go brush your teeth.
Gert: But I already pulled up my pants!
Me: Um. If you need to have your pants down while you brush your teeth I think you might be doing it wrong.
Gert: But I already pulled up my pants!
Me: Um. If you need to have your pants down while you brush your teeth I think you might be doing it wrong.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Family Portraits
Sure I have stories to tell about MP3 players, Santa Claus and really awesome cold weather gear for cycling. But I'm busy. So I'll do this.
A few photos.
Finnegan as Harpo Marx.
Gertrude works it rock star style. (This was my fault. She had chosen an outfit that was too skimpy for a chilly day, so we had to find a new outfit. When Daddy dresses you then you look bad ass.)
Thank you and here's my address.
A few photos.
Finnegan as Harpo Marx.
Gertrude works it rock star style. (This was my fault. She had chosen an outfit that was too skimpy for a chilly day, so we had to find a new outfit. When Daddy dresses you then you look bad ass.)
Thank you and here's my address.
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