Things Today

My house smells like maple and I don't like the way the dog is looking at me.

Ow! My Iliotibial Band!

Yeah, my iliotibial band hurts. Looks like I have some stretching in my future. Or RICE. Yummy. Not the glutinous, water-grown grain but Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate.

Anyway, yesterday was a holiday so after riding my trainer the family went out to a movie and some shopping. I needed some shoes and jeans. In the shoe store I was trying on a really cool pair of Vans, with a checkerboard pattern that reminded me of shoes I lusted after when I was a kid. I was walking around in them. Gert approved (they have the same bottom pattern as her pair of Vans). I asked Matilda what she thought and she made a funny face.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you like them.”

“Well,” she said, “not with that shirt.”

Obviously. Apparently navy blue Wilco t-shirts and black tennis shoes don’t match. Somewhere deep within, my inner-Tim Gunn knew that. But I bought the shoes instead, assuming that I’d periodically wear something other than navy blue.

We saw The Waterhorse, which was okay. It was exactly like ET only Scottish and wet. During a very tense moment in the film, including storms and bombs, we saw lights flash. Gert sat up straight and starting to look around within a fraction of a second. Then the fire alarm went off.

Gert stood, grabbed my hand without saying a word, and started leading me toward the nearest exit. I quickly tried to snatch up our coats, but mom had to get them for us because Gert was intent on leading us to safety. She was not screwing around. She wasn’t scared, exactly, but on autopilot. As Safety Girl she knew what needed to be done.

Turned out it was a false alarm and we were able to see the rest of the film. But I was proud of Gert. As a very fearful girl I had assumed that she would have freaked out. But she didn’t. She knew exactly what to do and was more concerned about getting her family to safety. Good girl.

We rewarded her with a man-sized burger (her words) at a fifties-style diner. When our food arrived, Gert picked up her burger, looked at it with wide eyes and said, “Burger meet mouth. Mouth, burger” and proceeds to take an enormous, satisfied bite.

Saving your family from a false alarm during a mediocre movie is hungry work, my friend.

I Am Part of a Large Family

Hey, it's true!



I promise to stop posting videos. I just have so much work to do lately that I can't find the time to write about things. And oh, Gert has done so many fantastic, strange, hilarious, heart-breaking things. Usually all at once. You should really be here to see it. Come on over. I'll order pizza.

Mmmm. Circley goodness.

Wait! Update! Update!

Edited to add: Awesome. Gawker has been given the take down notice from the "Church" of Scientology for the Tom Cruise video.

Looks like we're ready to raise the Tom Cruise Alert level.

Tom Cruise really is Tom Cruise Crazy! It isn't often that things I despise and things I love converge in a chronosynclastic infandibulum of fate, but today is my lucky day!

First, watch this. Then, after you sit there and wonder what in the living hell this guy is talking about, watch one Mr. Jonathan Coulton:

I Made This Half-Pony Half-Monkey Monster to Please You

Jonathan Coulton Says: "Isn’t it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?"

Bonus:


Last week I left a note on Laura’s desk
It said I love you signed anonymous friend
Turns out she’s smarter than I thought she was
She knows I wrote it, now the whole class does too
And I’m alone during couple skate
When she skates by with some guy on her arm
But I know that I’ll forget the look of pity in her face
When I’m living in my solar dome on a platform in space

Big Blue Plymouth

I wish I could find David Byrne performing this on Letterman circa 1999 or so. It was incredible. Not that this Talking Heads version of this obscure David Byrne solo song from 1981 or so isn't. Not that you can see the Heads much here because of all the other footage, but the song still kicks ass.



"There is nothing that is stronger than the feeling that you get
When your eyes are wide open"

I Love To Singa

Never lose sight of one thing. It all started with a paper clip, which caused Tex Avery to lose sight. Ironic.

The Mitchell Report

As much as I like Stephen Malkmus, and probably too much, I've always thought he looked like a manager at Blockbuster during the Pavement days. I'm just sayin'.



"angle for the ringside seats
when they fall
don't blame me"

The Greatest Thing Ever?

To Mike J. Nelson, I say, "Schni schna Schnappi!" I hate those guys at Rifftrax for referencing this and forcing me to find it. Now I can't stop.

Carl: Underappreciated Wilson

This song should be a classic.



"So hard to plant the seed of reform
To set my sights on defeating the storm"

Dig Allusions

Seriously, I love Nick Cave. He's unfurled his revival tent and is in southern gothic preaching persona. Prepare for the fire and brimstone.

Seriously, if you enjoy Milton and biblical allusions, you'll like Nick Cave. Or hate him. I used to hate him. Now I love him. He could keep up with any biblical or Milton scholar in a debate. He's obsessed.

Punk Rock Warlord

Requiem for a Guinea Pig

I shouldn’t be writing right now. I should be on the trainer, but my bike broke during the warm up. Again. I’m really beginning to hate that bike.

But, I’m not here to talk about the bike. I’m here to talk about Max II, who shall be known as Max. Remember how much Gert loves Max? How they bonded and cuddled and were oozing cuteness and love? And remember how sensitive and sweet my little Gert is? Well…

Max is in the hospital. Yes, after less than 48 hours with us. Last night we noticed that Max was breathing heavily. Very erratically. He seemed to have lost all his energy and would just sit panting. Chris and I watched him all night and he never got better. This morning, while the girls were still sleeping off New Year’s Eve, she got Max out sat him on her lap and we fed him an apple slice, which he ate vigorously. But the breathing never improved.

After some research we realized that he might have some sort of respiratory infection and, that, if it weren’t treated he would not survive. So we called the place we picked him up from. They had no vets on duty today because of the holiday but they said to bring him in immediately and he’d be seen first thing in the morning.

Realizing that this would certainly mean suffering for little Max, we decided to go to the local animal hospital our regular vet recommends. Gert loves this little guy. We couldn’t just let him sit alone in a cage while he waited 24 hours to get treatment.

So began our long wait. They admitted him and put him on oxygen right away. He was responding well, but whenever they took him off oxygen he would start to struggle breathing. Where we bought him was insisting that we bring him back now. They agreed to pay for what treatment we’ve had done, but he would certainly suffocate on the drive or, most definitely, overnight waiting for treatment.

Turns out Max has bacterial pneumonia. Had we not chosen him another family would have chosen him and found him lifeless tomorrow morning. He’s on antibiotics now, along with oxygen. We’re transferring him to the other vet in the morning and they will be paying for all of his treatment, including the overnight stay despite their reasoning otherwise. It will be several hundred dollars.

To put it bluntly, Max most likely will not survive the night. If he does, the other vet will most likely euthanize him. It would be the humane thing to do, rather than letting him suffocate on his own body slowly.

We’ll be able to get another pig, but that’s’ really not the issue. Gert’s the issue. She loves him. She’s very attached to him. Just a moment ago she was on the phone telling a friend that she got a guinea pig for Christmas, but he was in the hospital with pneumonia.

I guess I’m mostly upset about it happening to Gert when all she wants to do is love something. It’s sad to watch her dealing with this. I think she knows that Max won’t be coming home, though we haven’t taken her hope away. It seems cruel. But when I was taking her home she told me that she wouldn’t see Max again.

Tomorrow will be a difficult day for all of us. That we’ve only had him for two days doesn’t matter. What matters is that she loves him and, no matter what we had to do everything to save him.

Maybe we’ll have a miracle tonight. But, no matter what, I just wanted to thank Max for making a little girl smile for a little while, at least.