I have nothing to say today. Nothing at all. Sorry. I’ll give you a bulleted list of some things that have happened lately.

· Troll Woman, now known as Gnome Lady because I got complaints from trolls, was reported to the Girl Scout Council. Let me tell you how bad I feel. This bad.

· My niece said this about the concept of a half hour: “It may seem like a long time, but it’s really just thirty minutes.”

· Gertrude can now use a fork to eat. She looks frighteningly grown up while she’s sitting there shoveling food into, or at least near, her mouth. As she does so she says “Eet! Eet! Eet!”

· Elvis Costello wrote a song called “Harpie’s Bazaar” years ago. I never knew what it meant until I saw a gaggle of angry Brownie moms, including my wife, discussing the official Girl Scout reprimand of Gnome Lady.

· War is still going on. I’ve stopped watching television. Whoever thought that it was a good idea to allow these reporters to travel with the troops and send back images via a crappy Webcam or something was an idiot. If I wanted that kind of picture I’d watch Real Player at 56k.

· Though it may seem like a good idea at the time, never mix coffee with No Doz. Not only will you start to see dead relatives, but also those dead relatives will be VERY angry.

· Two weeks from now I will be turning thirty. I’m putting together a list of my accomplishments thus far in life. So far all I have is potty training. Which is more than some St. Louis politicians can say.

That is all. Just for the hell of it I posted today’s play list, despite the fact that I won’t actually be around much to hear it. I have a ton of pages to review for a client plus we’re meeting with the realtors about the home inspection. I’ve put on the list that the Building Inspector noticed, “The basement does not have a home theater with digital projection. Please contact a licensed contractor.” Never mind that it’s in my handwriting. I’m asking for it . . .

Discuss