One For The Boys

Still trying to feel better, so I dive back into Brian Wilson. Sorry to ramble.

Bells of Madness

Today in my continuing series of Brian Wilson: The Genius and the Madness, I’ll be discussing Brian’s madness and how it related to or came out through his music.

Brian Wilson started out his young life as a wunderkind. At the ripe age of 18 he was writing hits for an enormously popular band and began stretching his production talents behind the mixing boards. Eventually, he quit touring with the Beach Boys (replaced for a short time by Glen Campbell and then Bruce Johnston) and began focusing on simply creating their next music.

It started off innocently enough. He stepped up the sophistication of their arrangements, their vocals. The topics began to mature. But as other bands began getting more creative with their approach to pop music, Brian felt the pressure to one-up them. After hearing “Rubber Soul”, how it was a cohesive album, no filler, all the songs flowing into one another, Brian decided that the Beach Boys had to become the premier band pushing the boundaries of popular music. While the boys were on tour he conceived of an album with a cohesive theme: A boy who emotionally matures into a man. This idea eventually culminated in Pet Sounds.

For several years, Brian had been using Phil Spector’s studio band “The Wrecking Crew”, perhaps the finest stable of musicians ever assembled in one studio. The music they created for Pet Sounds, over the course of many, many sessions (examples of which will be found on the CD Stack-O-Tracks) is still the finest example of pop music. Sweet, sophisticated and gorgeous, Pet Sounds is a high mark for music. With Pet Sounds, Brian proved that his music can go far beyond girls, cars and parties.

The problem here was that few others agreed. While the album was met with great critical success and acclaim overseas, here in America America’s Band was having a difficult time finding an audience for Pet Sounds. Secretly this crushed Brian.

Worse still, his band mates were starting to grumble. He was messing with a tried and true formula. They wanted to be a successful band, not avante garde artistes.

Brian followed up Pet Sounds with Good Vibrations, still considered the greatest single ever recorded. And then began work on SMiLE, an album he called “A Teenage Symphony to God.” SMiLE fell apart, either under the weight of its own lofty aspirations or because of Brian’s quickly deteriorating mental abilities. Perhaps the most crushing moment for Brian is when, on what he considered his personal song (and the greatest writing triumph for his collaboration with Van Dyke Parks) for SMiLE, “Surf’s Up”, the band balked at singing such “high-minded” lyrics as:

Hung velvet overtaken me
Dim chandelier awaken me
To a song dissolved in the dawn
The music hall a costly bow
The music all is lost for now
To a muted trumpeter swan
Columnated ruins domino

Brian began to withdraw, until over the years he rarely sought personal interaction whatsoever. He became a persona-non-grata with in the band, merely sending musical postcards periodically. His weight ballooned to over 300 pounds; he lay in bed all day long and consumed enough drugs to kill most people. He had untreated paranoid Schizophrenia with psychotic delusions. He heard voices, he saw things, and he believed things that weren’t real. The only one who seemed to understand him was his brother Denny, who was equally consumed with a drug problem. When Denny died, Brian was lost.

Throughout this time, Brian sought help many times with varying degrees of success. He’d always fall back into his little world. The band tried a tough love approach, but it didn’t work. They tried to lure him out with music, but he wasn’t interested (or thought they were taking advantage of him). The band faltered and died in the seventies and eighties, turning into an oldies act (albeit a popular one) and a barely passable Beach Boys imitation band. But without Brian’s musical guidance, the defacto leader of the group Carl Wilson couldn’t attain the level of successes they desired. (Which is not to defile Carl’s talents. He proved to be a worthy producer and songwriter, as did his late brother Denny.)

All this time Carl worked very hard to protect Brian and help him. Though, through his illness, Brian couldn’t see this. He felt betrayed by his brother. A deep rift developed between them, though evidence shows that Carl continued to do all he could to save Brian.

Brian finally found a treatment program that worked for him, under the tutelage and treatment of a Svengali named Eugene Landy. While Brian began to surface from his illness, Landy began to take over his life, his finances, his work . . .

Several lawsuits and arguments later, Brian is truly back. He’s older now, having lost decades to his own mental decline and recovery. He’s married again to a woman who has shown him that there are people out there who love him and want to share his music with him. He’s touring, putting out records, recording and writing. He’s old enough to be a grandfather now, but his childlike love of music still shows through.

Carl is gone now. So is Denny. And his mom and dad. The only Wilson left from his youth is Brian. But he’s hardly alone. He’s working to repair the damage he’s done to his life. And he’s healing through his music. He’s on medication and he freely talks about his illness. But most importantly, he’s found his music again.

What astounds me, as a fan, is that throughout the late sixties and seventies Brian sent notes through music. They seemed to say, “I’m alone. I’m drowning.” One song, highlighted here, even seemed to say goodbye to the world at large. I only ask, what took his friends and family so long to get him real help? Listening to the music it seems like no one ever said, “Brian are you okay?”

The Tracks

Brian Wilson - One for the Boys--From Brian’s first official solo album. It’s difficult to say if the title of this acappella track is meant as an homage to his former band mates or a thumbing of the nose. This harmony piece is all Brian singing with himself and it sounds better than any Beach Boys harmony since 1972. Was Brian dedicating this to the Beach Boys? Or was he saying, “the sound is merely a matter of my vocal arrangement and has nothing to do with you. I do not need you to realize my music. I only need me.” Again, I felt the proper way to open a tribute to Brian’s genius, even his madness, was through a vocal incantation.

Brian Wilson with Carnie Wilson – Fantasy is Reality/Bells of Madness--I forget who wrote this song with Brian, but the song is recorded with bass aficionado Rob Wasserman and Brian’s daughter Carnie (of Wilson Phillips fame). Personally, I think it’s a gorgeous song. It harkens back to Brian’s darker music from the late sixties with SMiLE-esque chord changes. The lyrics, sometimes a jumbled mess of images about madness, seem to reflect a little of Brian’s brain. “Fantasy is reality, I love my fantasy reality is fantasy, just don’t call it reality.”

Beach Boys – Til I Die (alternate mix)--This song pops up again. This is one of those musical postcards I was mentioning. Brian seemed to be telling something to his fans, his family through his music. “I’m a leaf on a windy day / Pretty soon I’ll be blown away” seems to be a none to subtle message. “These things I’ll be until I die” seems to be a knock over the head. Every time I hear this song I feel like it was Brian’s way of saying, “I’m going away for a while. I may not be back.” Almost a musical suicide note. Though Brian didn’t kill himself, he certainly tried to kill his mind and his life. This particular version of the song is something that the engineer at the recording sessions had been holding close to his chest for many years. It opens with the instrumental track for over three minutes. Lilting vibraphones, dark organ and a sparse musical landscape suddenly burst into “I’m a cork on the ocean / Floating over the raging sea / How deep is the ocean?” The engineer, after completing the track the way the boys wanted it presented this alternate version to Brian, thinking that it was more reflective of what Brian was trying to say. And it was. Perhaps too much. He and the boys rejected it and Brian simply melted away. The track resurfaced on bootlegs of the lost “Landlocked” album and finally was officially released on a soundtrack for a documentary. It’s a gorgeous version. A funeral song. Brian now performs this song in almost exactly this manner. Starting off with the mournful music before erupting into his pleas for peace. Personal peace. Perhaps one of the most affecting Beach Boys songs ever recorded.

Beach Boys – Break Away (demo)--When the boys would come back from tour, Brian would often present them with tapes of their new songs. Fully recorded, with his vocals layered throughout. It was an aural roadmap that the band was supposed to follow. This is one of those demos, essentially a Brian Wilson solo song that was turned into a Beach Boys song. And it is superior to the released version. But that is neither here nor there. Here, written with his estranged father, Brian is saying:

When I layed down on my bed
I heard voices in my head
Telling me now "Hey it's only a dream"
The more I thought of it
I had been out of it
And here's the answer I found instead . . .

It was in my head . . .

And I can breakaway to the better life
Where the shackles never hold me down
I'm gonna make a way for each happy day
As my life turns around

Brian was saying that something was wrong. That he needed to find that happy life. It was a plea, again. An unanswered or unanswerable plea.

Beach Boys – In My Room--What I consider Brian’s first real personal song. It’s about his personal refuge, his room. Where he kept his piano and wrote his songs. It was the only place he ever felt safe and happy.

Beach Boys – I Just Wasn’t Made for these Times--One of Brian’s first really strong emotional pleas.

Sometimes I feel very sad
(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into)
Sometimes I feel very sad
(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into)

I guess I just wasn't made for these times

Beach Boys – Fairy Tale Music--How to describe this? A musical suite in four minutes. The music changes several times, going through clear movements. The melodies are gorgeous, but it’s hard to make sense of where this was supposed to go. It seems the voices in Brian’s head were no longer speaking clearly. He had lost his muse and was trying to find it again. Still, as strange as this song is, it works. It’s an interesting painting of how his mind was working at the time. “Pied Piper, I’d better get back in bed.” He was going away again . . .

Beach Boys – You’re Welcome--I love this song. It’s just a chant, really. But odd. Very, very odd. I could listen to this short little song over and over.

Beach Boys – Sail Plane Song (demo)--This demo is, perhaps, one of the darkest songs Brian has ever written. Truly seems to be the buzz of noise in his head. And yet, it’s a thoroughly compelling song. From the descending minor chords, to the bleak lyrics that hint at happiness to Brian’s voice . . . it’s hard not to listen to. The Beach Boys spent years trying to turn this into a muddled piece of crap and finally succeeded, sucking all the life out of the song by adding the moronic “Loop-de-loop-flip-flop flying in an airplane.” Ugh.

Beach Boys – She’s Goin’ Bald--At one time this was a SMiLE track known as “He Gives Speeches.” The boys changed it to be a little less esoteric, keeping the melody but turning it into a gag song with some bizarre chipmunks break and a difficult to hear vaudevillian middle. The track is now pointless, as opposed to the original. But it’s still interesting to hear what Brian was trying to do with instrumentation, melody and rhythm. It could have been a great song. It’s yet another example, however, of madness in music. Is this an extension of his madness or something that lead to it? Did he go crazy trying to get his ideas out? Or did his ideas come out of his madness?

Beach Boys – Sail on Sailor--A little known fact about the Beach Boys in the seventies: the whitest band in America became integrated with the addition of two South Africans. One of those South Africans, Blondie Chaplain, gives a stunning vocal performance on this Brian penned R&B track that barely missed being classified as “Blue-eyed Soul” based on the skin color of the singer. But it marked a return to the boys’ use of harmony to add to a song, even a typical seventies rock track. More importantly, this was another Brian postcard:

Always needing, even bleeding
Never feeding all my feelings
Damn the thunder, must I blunder
There's no wonder all I'm under
Stop the crying and the lying
And the sighing and my dying

It’s a great damn rock tune. Perhaps one of the last great Beach Boys songs. Soulful, painful, driving. Sail on, sail on sailor. Was Brian trying to tell himself to keep going? Not to give up? Alas . . . he did. Again. He did.

Brian Wilson – Lay Down Burden--From Brian’s second solo CD, a gorgeous song of regret with soaring vocals, affecting lyrics and a lovely arrangement. Brian rarely sings about regret. He’s always looking at the present or the future, but rarely the past. Perhaps it was one of the few healthy things he has done. Or perhaps it was one of the most damaging. Brian was working to repair his familial relationships, trying to undo the things he did, what he neglected. Two of those relationships were with his mother and brother, Carl. Both of whom died in short succession. The man who Brian described as having “the voice of an angel” was gone. This song comes as a surprise, surprising reflective, surprising regretful. When he performs it live, even five years later, he is near tears when he sings it. Why is he alive after all he’s been through? Does he deserve it? Why is he still hear and his mother and brothers are all gone? He’s opening his soul, regretting the hole in his life that he was never able to repair:

So many years spent running away
How many times I wished I could stay
Too much emotion a hole in my heart
Feeling alone since we’ve been apart
And if I had the chance
I’d never let you go
Just want you to know

Lay down lay me down
Lay me down
Lay down burden

How many things I wanted to do
How many times spent thinking this through
So many nights spent here by the phone
Wonderin’ if you felt just as alone
And while some things have all been
Crazy from the start
It’s tearing me apart

Lay down lay me down
Lay me down
Lay down burden

Just remember the way I held you
You’re always in my heart

Lay down lay me down
Lay me down
Lay down burden

Brian Wilson – Melt Away--Putting up the walls again? “Sometimes I close off to the world.” “I won’t let you see me suffer . . . “

Beach Boys – Busy Doin’ Nothing--A longing for a special friend. Surprisingly swingy.

Brian Wilson – It’s not Easy Being Me (demo)-- From sessions with friend and musician Andy Paley. There are some truly great songs that came out of these sessions. Songs that show that Brian still had “it”. They never saw the light of day, for various reasons. Though Brian does play some songs live. Here for obvious reasons. “I can’t face this by myself / I wish I was someone else / Behind this smiling face you see / It’s not easy being me / I can’t be the man you want me to be / It’s not easy being me.” The songs from these sessions are fantastic, lush, layered, and beautiful. Let’s hope they someday see the light of day.

Brian Wilson – Thank You (a.k.a. Brian)
From the, thankfully, shelved album “Sweet Insanity” album. It was to be Brian’s second solo CD, written with his Svengali psychiatrist Eugene Landy. The production is terrible, the lyrics weak and there are only moments. This is marginally one of them. The instrumentation is over-wrought and terrible. The lyrics sound more like a therapy exercise than anything and, in some cases, are uncharacteristically mean for Brian. But, historically, it’s an important track. Brian is trying to say he’s getting better and is thanking those who are supportive. And then he slams the Love family (rightly so, but Brian just doesn’t do that.) Important line: “Music has been my saving grace.” A good concept for a song, killed by the crappy writing of Brian’s psychiatrist. Proving, by the way, that psychotherapy and music do not always mix. Perhaps some of this was better left in group therapy sessions.

Brian Wilson – Where Has Love Been--Could Brian not find it? Or just not see it? I believe his wife Melinda (whom I’ve met, by the way) is showing him that it has always been there. He seems to realize that, through this song. Poignant, with beautiful vocals from Brian. “Tumbling like a leaf out on the sea of doubt / I’ve seen nights that seem to last for years”.

Brian Wilson – She Says that She Needs Me--This song started its life in the late sixties and finally surfaced in the nineties. Thirty years in the making. Wow. It was originally “Sherry She Needs Me”. I’m a sucker for a good, sad, wind instrument (I used to play one and, alas, my playing was sad.) This song has it. “Still I can’t help wondering why I feel the way I do.” Lovely vocals again. Brian proves that, even in his adult contemporary mode, he can forget a better song that the Beach Boys ever wrote and recorded without him. (I’m sorry, but Kokomo makes me want to be eaten by bulimic lions.)

Beach Boys – Let the Wind Blow--Just let life happen, but don’t leave me.

Beach Boys – The Warmth of the Sun--This song is amazing. Written by Brian and Mike in response to the assassination of JFK. An amazing song for a couple of neophyte twenty year olds. Gorgeous melody, lovely arrangement, heart-breaking vocals. It isn’t exactly about JFK, though. It’s about loss, the feeling of the sun on your skin. The good and bad of life.

Beach Boys – I Went to Sleep--And he slept and slept and slept.

Brian Wilson – Happy Days--This song starts out as a cacophony. Flying sounds, mumbling voices, dark lyrics. It explodes with “Oh God the pain I’ve been going through.” It mentions how Brian used to be “so far from life” and that no one could help. For the first time in his career, at this point well over thirty years, Brian has admitted that he was sincerely in trouble. He’s better now, but there were times . . . and there’s still the fear. This song is literally a musical version of what Brian hears in his head every single day, even with the medication. Voices, sounds, snippets of music all pulling him in different directions. It’s musical schizophrenia. But it’s not all bleak. Because happy days are here again. “Happy Days” is difficult to listen to at first because you have to figure out the keys. But once you do, the melody is infectious and you hear that voice. That sweet vocal harmony and you realize that Brian is better and you, wrapped in the warmth of his vocal harmonies, have found something comfortable, happy and familiar.

Brian Wilson – Love and Mercy--This song seems like it should be on the recovery disc, but I chose to file it with madness. Imagine yourself laying in bed for decades. The world seems to hate you. You think your friends hate you. You think your family hates you. You’re afraid to go outside, you’re afraid to leave your bed. What would you need? What would you wish for everyone you love? Simple: Love and Mercy. It’s all any of us could ask for. Brian refers to this song as a “love song for all of you”, his fans. It is his sincere wish for us all.

Beach Boys – Surf’s Up (Demo)--Though not technically the Beach Boys. This SMiLE remnant (an official SMiLE demo) is just Brian and the piano. His voice is deeper hear, but rises to his trademark falsetto several times. The lyrics are esoteric, difficult to understand without peeling away the symbols. But the emotion is not. Picture a child standing in the surf waving goodbye while you drift away in a boat. Is Brian the child or the man in the boat? Again, this is a goodbye song of sorts. Goodbye to innocence, goodbye to childhood, goodbye to everyone, goodbye to the world.

Beach Boys – Caroline, No--The closing track of Pet Sounds and, when originally released, a Brian “solo” work. No other Beach Boy appears on this track. A song of loss and leaving. The final sounds you hear on this track are a passing train and barking dogs. When Brian played Pet Sounds for his wife shortly after competing it they sat there in tears because of the emotion, the beauty. “See that train,” Brian said, “that’s me waving goodbye.”

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