To be honest, I have absolutely nothing to say today. So I won’t say anything. However, I will give you the list of ten jobs that I would like, should my current career not pan out.
10. Dog trainer. Hot dog trainer, that is. Real dogs bite and excrete things. And I can’t eat them. At least, it’s not accepted in my culture.
9. Website reader. I feel that some websites, such as mine, need professional regular readers. I can do that job. For a minimum price.
8. Sign writer. I feel I can bring a new flair to things like, “No Parking” and “One Way.” Right now they are so bland and overused. For example, rather than “One Way” I think we should have “You’re going the wrong way you stupid twit.” Let’s just be honest.
7. Bubble counter. Let’s face it; we just don’t know how many bubbles there are.
6. Professional board game player. Why isn’t there a competitive circuit? Think about the killer Monopoly games you could go see in an arena.
5. Professional Dodge Ball player. It combines the excitement of the NBA, NHL, hazing and public humiliation. Kind of like the WWF, but with a higher intelligence quotient. We’d all quote German philosophy between games.
4. Toothbrush designer. Bristles on a stick. How hard can it be?
3. Stoplight timer. I’d just enjoy messing with people.
2. Biographer for Pets of the Stars.
1. Music coordinator for motion pictures. Rather than still pictures. I think I could bring a fresh perspective to the stale and boring movie soundtrack. I could give you the greatest opening titles song ever. Call me Spielberg. We need to get you away from John Williams scores. Haven’t you noticed that he’s been writing the same song for you for the last two decades?
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