Things NOT To Say To Your Wife . . . And Expect to Live

Me: It’s an old wive’s tale.

Her: So?

Me: I expected you to know that.

Her: Why?

Me: Well, you being an old wife and everything.

A sound not unlike all wildlife being slaughtered is heard.

Me (screaming for my life): It was a joke! It was a joke! It was a joke!

Things go black after that. All I know is that my testicles hurt. How she did that, I don’t know. We were on the phone.

In my defense, she's not even close to thirty yet. I thought she'd see the humor.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

That won't happen again.