My wife was recently talking about whether or not we live out our own paranoia and fears through our children. She ultimately allowed Gertrude to conquer her own fears without intervening. It was a big step for Mom, one giant leap for Gertrude kind.
But my problem goes further. While Gert and I share a number of fears, I’m starting to think that, perhaps, my daughter is becoming me. Literally. It’s as if my mother had me cloned as revenge for 1978 through 1993.
It’s not my fault. Gert and I both have abandonment issues. I can trace mine to a specific event. I think, though I have no statistical evidence, that a parent’s death when you are five-years-old might make you a little paranoid about being alone. It’s a problem I’ve dealt with for years, the constant fear that somehow I will end up alone in the world. A shrink would have a field day with that paranoia. But let’s not get into that.
Gert has many fears, and she’s quite open with them. Currently she is afraid of:
Storms
Fire
Tornados
Boats
She has recently worked through fears of:
Her closet
Bugs
Spiders
Political bloggers
In fact, she was so proud of one of her recent accomplishments that she bragged to me about it.
“You know dad, I’m not afraid of the dark anymore. I used to be scared and would lay in bed stiff as a board. I was so scared I couldn’t even call you. But, I’m not afraid of the dark because I realized that the room is the same, just without enough light.”
“That’s great Gert,” I said sipping my coffee. “I’m really proud of you.”
“Yeah, now I’m just afraid that everyone I love will disappear and I’ll be all alone. That’s why I always call you if you’re in a different room.”
Sigh. I’ve somehow caused my daughter to have horrible, horrible fears. Why? I’ve tried to encourage her to be a strong, independent little girl. And, for the most part, she is. She’s one of the smartest, most well-spoken kids I’ve ever met. And yet, she’s terrified that I’ll disappear.
I’m sure this is all normal. But I’m afraid I’ve saddled this poor girl with all my baggage by simply donating half of her DNA. Is it genetically imprinted?
So, she and I went for a bike ride to wipe out our fears. We rode hard, we rode on hills, and we had a good time.
“That was a great ride Gert. You’re getting really good on a bike. Most kids your age can’t even ride a two-wheeler, much less hammer up a hill like Miguel Indurain. “
“Yeah,” she said, “it’s because I train a lot. I train even more than you. I don’t take days off. I ride every day.”
Yes, she said “train”. She doesn’t ride her bike, she trains.
What have I done?
Hmmm...well, gosh...I guess you'd best start researching schools with strong collegiate cycling programs or maybe see if you can hire Jeannie Longo as your child's nanny/coach. Maybe the T-Mobile women's team has a few slots for female juniors. At least you could get the bikes free that way.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if an adolescent female cyclist in training eats more than a typical teenage boy. I'm guessing the answer is yes. But hey, I hear everyone is taking out second mortgages now-a-days.
The Physicist
You know, I don't think YOU caused her to have fears. Events, at just the right moment in her development caused her to have fears. No matter how you handled those moments, some of them would have left their scars anyway. Really...and she'll learn to deal.
ReplyDeleteAll my life I was afraid my dad would die...like, tomorrow or in a few minutes...I would actually freeze up every time I heard the intercom come on in the classroom, expecting to be called to the office to be told my dad had died. I think ONCE in my entire school career I was called to the office and it had nothing to do with my dad.
I have no idea where this fear came from. And, eventually, of course, he did die. But long after I was finished with school and after a long illness.
In any case, the point is that it ain't your fault. Well, most of it ain't, anyway. That 'training' thing...that is entirely your fault.
This is completely unrelated, but I thought you needed to know:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nbc11.com/news/9946298/detail.html?rss=bay&psp=news
Those damn rodents! They will take over some day. Mark my words.
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how much an active kid can eat. I often wonder if we should buy a blow gun and tranq the kids while they're doing their evening grazing. It would make it easier to clean up.
Anyway, Gert's grounded from the bike for a few days because of an unsafe biking maneuver that is one of the posted big NO NOs, right under no riding without a helmet or while wearing open-toed shoes (toes tend to scrape the pavement when you're four). She's been sanctioned and suspended. Sadly, she's moping around about it and acting like we took away her heroin.
The bike thing - Totally you! Other thatn that she sounds like a normal kid.
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