On Overeating During the Holidays

In times of great stress, many humans turn to food for comfort. For many humans, because of the close proximity of their family members, the holidays are times of great stress. Therefore, that is why we need an enormous roasted animal to place between us and Grandma. The turkey helps us deal with the stress of listening to Grandma explain why you have never lived up to any of her expectations.

And because there's not enough spiked egg nog in the world to make that bitch pleasant, even if you do share DNA.