If Microsoft Ran IKEA

New thoughts on an old idea.

1. All IKEA furniture must be bundled with more IKEA products that you won't need. For example, if you buy an IKEA bed, you also must buy IKEA plates. Otherwise, the bed won't work.

2. All IKEA furniture will come with proprietary screws that will require you to hire professionals to insert and turn them, as the proprietary screws will require proprietary screw drivers. Fear not, because after spending $1000 you can be certified to use the screw driver.

3. All IKEA furniture will only work with other IKEA furniture, or otherwise approved furniture developed for IKEA. Therefore, if you want to put your feet up when you sit in your IKEA chair, you must buy an IKEA ottoman. Or an IKEA compatible ottoman.

4. In order to use your IKEA furniture, you must use a unique activation code. Each piece of IKEA furniture will only be able to be used in one room. If you want to move your IKEA desk from one office to another you will have to buy a new user license.

5. Finally, all home builders will be required to optimize their floor plans for IKEA furniture. You can use other brands of furniture in your home, but you may not be able to see the coffee table you install, and that picture may not ever hang straight.

Of course, you have to make sure you update your IKEA drivers every time you use your IKEA furniture. And be sure to wait for your couch's Service Pack 1 before you install that coffee table. Because nothing is worse than sitting down for a cup of coffee and finding that your couch has seized up and won't restart without entering safe mode. Naturally you'd have to uninstall the pillows in order to get the couch back online and even then it still won't recognize the coffee table.

Open Source furniture will work with IKEA products, however, you may violate the GPL if you try to sell that furniture when your girlfriend breaks up with you and you want to get back at that bitch.