I know I shouldn’t be writing right now, considering my workload. However, it’s been so long since I’ve really updated this page that I feel as if I’m getting out of practice with writing. I fear that my writing skills have deteriorated to such a level that I won’t be able to string together a coherent thought to save my life. And, let’s face it, it’s quite possible that terrorists could come bursting through my door at any moment and demand that, “For the good of all mankind, you must string together a coherent thought.”

With that sort of pressure I’d probably say, “Purple monkeys driving Segways!” Boom! World War III is started. And it’s all my fault.

So, I must blog for the good of all mankind. Our very lives depend upon it.

Things I will not discuss: Trent Lott (what he did was dumb), Iraq (there’s dumb stuff there), Al Gore (he’s not running), Christmas shopping (it sucks, but I purchased a killer present for my wife this year), viruses (I hate them too).

Instead, I’ll bore you with a recounting of my life, such as it is.

Matilida came home with a stunning still life she painted in art class. This painting shows some real talent on her part. She had shading, perspective and color use down pat.

This kid is destined for something great. She has so much talent and intelligence that, when she grows up, she’ll just be able to select something to do and be successful. With the way her interests run, she may very well be the first dancer/scientist/teacher/painter/singer in the planet. And, I must ask, why not? Why not have a Renaissance Woman in the house?

She’s a lucky girl. She has so much going for her. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not astounded, and filled with pride, by her accomplishments. Watch for her one of these days. She’s bound to do something that will change your life for the better.

Her sister, Gertrude, is another story. Oh, it’s true that she possesses the same stunning intellect as her sister. This kid is whip smart. She can pick up a new skill with the greatest of ease. I fully expect to walk up to her and say, “Gertrude! Don’t put your fingers in that light socket” only to have her answer, “But father, I was merely trying to discover when the circuit is open or closed and, if it is open, if a full electric current can change the development of my DNA on a fundamental level, thereby allowing me to become a genetic mutant bent on conquering the world.” My only response could be, “You’re only one! No world conquering until you’re out of college.”

Still, despite her current state of intelligence . . . on that dwarves many world leaders, she’s just . . . weird. Yesterday I found her collecting her socks and throwing them away. When I explained to her that we don’t throw away socks because they are multi-use, she looked at me, her eyes lighting up and said, “Da da!” She reached up for a hug. I was powerless.

On Saturday, Matilida and I watched “Ice Age” which we truly enjoyed. After the movie was over, I put a CD in the tray that contained one of the songs that was in the movie. The first song on this CD is just three minutes of tribal drums. Gertrude cavorted and pranced in a primitive way that showed me there is some sort of primal urge to dance in all human beings (though it is damaged in my case). Her sister did an interpretive dance about the demise and abuse of aboriginal people from all around the world. It was sad and mournful.

We also have a Chieftains Christmas CD. When we play one of the jigs, Gertrude puts her hands to her sides and does some sort of step dance that would make Michael Flatly weep. She’s the little lordette of the dance.

I’m not making that up. She has an innate sense of rhythm that fills me with joy. Where her sister can immediately pick up on the emotional tenor of a song, Gertrude can pick up on its rhythmic styling and adapt her movements accordingly. She’s’ one!

I’m in big trouble. My girls have much more talent than I do and it frightens me. I mean, do I get them an agent now or should I wait? As a stage-parent, how much money do I get to skim off the top?

These are important considerations!