I think my brain has finally fractured into a million separate beings and are living separate lives. I have no control over them.

In fact, I’m not sure they even want me around anymore. A revolt may be on its way.

How do I know this? Well, take into account my current reading. Or, shall I say “readings”:

James Gleick: The Life and Science of Richard Feynman
Neal Stepenson: Diamond Age
Cory Doctrow: Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom
Gunter Grass: The Tin Drum
JP Donleavy: The Ginger Man

I’m currently working my way through five books, one of which I’ve already read. I look at that list and I wonder, what connection do these books have? In one respect, they are all surprisingly funny. In another, they are not related remotely.

So, that’s when I decided that I have five people living in my head. And I’d like you to meet them:

Dexter: Hi. I’m Dexter and I’m currently reading the Feynman book. I’ve never owned a pair of pants that went past my ankles. I’m an insufferable nerd who can’t get enough discussion of the finer points of gluons. I just wish people would stop hitting me.

DiRK: Greetings. I am DiRK. I like Neal Stephenson because he is smart and funny. I wish I knew how to meet girls. Did you know that a Hinerian can fart helium? I’m still trying to figure out the biological and chemical implications of that fact. Yark. Yark.

Chet: Hey. I’m Chet. Cory Doctrow’s book RAWKS man. It’s friggin’ funnier than any other friggin’ thing I’ve ever friggin’ read. I did it all for the whuffie! The whuffie! And you can take this whuffie! Rawk man!

Frank: Gunter Grass’ story is a rich allegory about the post-war society and feelings of loss that many Germans had to deal with while rebuilding their world and living with the scars of their past. Poignant, funny and strange, The Tin Drum is one of the classics of 20th Century European literature.

Gary: I’m frightened that I enjoy the exploits of Sebastian Dangerfield, considering that he is an ass. Does that make me an ass?

Later tonight these five men will join together and collectively vote one of their fellow split personalities out of the psyche. That outcast will forever wander through the portions of the brain that are not used searching for latent powers (knowing full well he will never find any). That is, unless DiRK uses him for one of his horrifying genetic experiments.

If I’ve ever made a case for medicating me . . . I think it’s now. I’ll take Thorozine with some Paxil on the side! I want the Thorozine heated, but not the Paxil.

Gary’s going nuts! Now’s your opportunity to discuss it!