The old adage goes that you are what you eat. I could agree with that if, by the nature of my diet, I turned into a giant Twinkie. Since I have not, I will disagree with that adage. If that adage were true, to be honest, then I know a lot of people who must eat mule.

But I don’t think it’s true. I know plenty of people who eat junk food who are perfectly nice people. I know people who are Vegans who are complete assmonkeys. So being what you eat isn’t a good measure of your worth nor can you tell much about someone based on their consumption of Chicken Pesto and Evian. Well, except that they paid far too much for water.

Rather, I believe that you are what you listen to and that we can find out much more about you based on what CDs you have with you at your desk or in your car.

For example: You have Kenny G sitting on your front seat. Well, you know, you aren’t going to be considered for hippest cat of the year. But, odds are you already know this and you accept it because the CD is sitting on your seat. That makes you okay because you admit to your love of cheese. However, if you hid it and only listened to Kenny while you took a long bubble bath, then we’d need to talk.

Another example: You’re a forty year old man who listens to N’Sync. Well, then . . . You can change your email to pederast@prison.com.

The music you listen to and how you listen to it directly relates to who you are. People who are high energy and aggressive tend to like music that matches their mood. People who are highly stressed tend to enjoy listening to music that is either frantic or could easily listen to something that is calm and soothing.

However, your choice in music goes far beyond that. WHO you listen to is more important than you could think. If you listened to Norah Jones the week the CD came out, you would be cool. If you listen to her now because you discovered her on the Grammy’s . . . Not so much.

My daughter likes Avril Lavinge. She’s seven years old, so that’s okay. In fact, it works to her advantage because she’s flexing her proto-punk muscles instead of prepackaged teen pop. She’s digging the guitars instead of the drum machine.

So take a look around your desk or your car. What music is speaking for you?

Do you have a Ben Folds CD? Good for you! If it’s Whatever and Ever Amen, you get six points. But if it’s The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner, you get ten points.

The Beatles are good, unless it’s their latest Greatest Hits package. Granted, that still makes you rise in musical esteem. However, you’d double it by listening to Abbey Road.

Do you buy whatever is hot? Or do you get let latest “NOW” release? That’s not so good. It shows that you have no musical ambition or identity. Wherever the wave breaks on the beach, there you are.

Did you buy Pet Sounds? Was it because of “Wouldn’t it Be Nice” or because of “Caroline, No”?

Do you have a Randy Newman CD? Is it Little Criminals or Toy Story? It makes a difference in your musical esteem score.

If you have a Stereolab CD, that makes you cool. If you have The Strokes, you’re okay. If it’s Shakira, you have to wonder. If it’s the Wondermints, Stew or any other band that you’d have to work to find, then you win the game.

Music is highly personal, that’s very true. And you have the right to listen to whatever you want. Radio is highly impersonal. The songs are selected for you buy a committee who wants you to buy the CDs. Even classic rock and oldies are highly calculated mediums.

However, the more you work for your music, the better it will be. It’s just like anything else, if it’s worth doing, it’s worth working for.

So look at your desk. What does it say about you? Are you a musical pioneer? Or are you a musical drone? Do you find CDs you like based on experience? Or is it because there’s a song on the radio you can’t get out of your head?

Neither is wrong. But one yields better results. Work for your music and it will work for you.

Who are you? What CD are you? Today I am “Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements” and “69 Love Songs”.

Discuss