Parents Just Don't Understand

Tonight is the monthly skate party. So while Matilda is off with mom flexing her girlie wiles, Gert and I decided to go get an ice cream cone. Added bonus: Indoor germ factory playground.

For quite some time she was the only kid there, having a blast sliding, climbing, jumping and generally acting goofy.

More kids showed up. One was another three-year-old girl, built like a tank, with an attitude to match. At first she was keeping to herself, but then a showdown occurred at a slide.

"This is my slide," Tank tells Gert.

"You can go first," Gert responds.

"Get off my slide," Tank responds.

They both made a play for the slide. I saw the scene unfold. Gert got to the slide, bumped into Tank and tank ended up on the floor. She made sure that everyone in the place heard her wail. Gertrude went and asked if she was okay. Tank told her to shut up.

Now, the kid is crying but her parents don't make a move. They just sit there staring blankly. Tank gets up and continues to play.

I call Gertrude over to ask what happened.

"Well," she said, "the thing is* I was at the slide. And I pushed her with my knee."

"Why did you do that," I asked.

"It was an accident."

"Well," I said, "even when something is an accident you need to tell the person that you are sorry. Did you say you were sorry?"

"No," she said.

So, we got up and walked over to Tank's table, where she was now sucking the marrow out of an elephant's ankle bone.

"My daughter would like to apologize," I said.

"I'm sorry I pushed you," Gert said. "It was an accident."

Tank's parents just stared at me like I was insane.

"She accepts your apology," said Mama Tank with what I guess is the same look she would give me if I had strapped Gert to a pole and gave her 29 lashes with a cat o' ninetails.

After we went back to our table, the Tanks conferred and then shot me another look.

Now, I know kids are kids and these things happen. But Gert admitted that she pushed her, though by accident, and regardless I think an apology was in order.

Look, I'm not trying to humiliate my child. I'm trying to teach her right from wrong. I'm trying to teach her to be a good kid.

Apparently I was wrong. Apparently I should follow the lead of the Tank family. Because as soon as Tank finished her meal, she bullied past my kid at another slide and told her to get of her way. Gert had enough, let out a huge audible sigh and told her dolly, "Let's go home. This place is boring."

Was I wrong? Should I not have had her apologize? Maybe next time I should critique how she pushed and give her pointers to maximize the other kid's injury. Maybe I should follow the lead of the Tanks and raise my kid with a sense of entitlement. At least with that attitude she'd have a future in pro sports.

*Her new favorite phrase. And all of her dialogue is verbatim. That's how this kid talks. Sometimes it's kind of freaky.