The Cuteness

It's all about the cuteness. You can't deny it, nor can you put your finger on it. There's no one thing that defines it, yet there's no predicting it. It's like a mist that surrounds you, envelopes you, overtakes you.

Just don't touch it.

You see, Gertrude, since starting preschool, has discovered her cuteness. And she often talks about her cuteness, though she is careful not to describe it or make it too real, lest we be able to normalize her, make her less of the toddler goddess that she is.

These days it looks like her cuteness is displayed via overall shorts with a bandana or headband. This is her favorite outfit to wear to school and, because she only has two sets, the teachers now think we dress her in the same clothes every day.

But, each morning, we'll be sitting at breakfast and Gert will ask through a dribbling mouthful of cereal, will ask, "Do you like my cuteness today?" Since I never know what is making the cuteness, I always answer, "Yes" and wait for her to point me in the direction of what pleases her.

Sometimes her cuteness takes assembly, like the time she brushed her hair for an hour with a doll brush. If you touched her hair, she would scream that she would have to start over and you'd be banished from the room. Cuteness takes time. And effort. And you're just messing it up.

Like yesterday. We were quietly eating our breakfasts and there was a hair clip on the table. So, me being the jovial guy I am, I placed it in Gert's hair, just to the side of her the bandana that was holding it behind her ears.

A darkness came across her eyes as she looked at me. "YOU ARE RUINING MY CUTENESS." She stepped off her chair, pointedly removed the clip and stomped off to her room to undo the damage I had done.

I now live in fear of her cuteness. It may be lurking around any corner. It could be the muddy shoes, or the stray hair stuck to her cheek. Or maybe the Oreo glaze around her mouth after she finishes her desert.

Whatever it is, if I touch it with my big, dumb hands, I will be killed. And probably deserve it.