I've Found the Solution

There has been a lot of talk about the Prez's realization that we need to curb our appetite for oil.

I've given this a lot of thought. I've dedicated at least, two to three minutes a day on this and I've floated a lot of ideas to myself, all roundly rejected for a variety of reasons. For example:

Idea: Bike Trails
Pro: Human power, safer than roads, people wouldn't throw bottles at me.
Con: Most cities are too stupid to build them. Mine, in fact, cited the possible rise in crime from having bike trails. Seriously. The specter of roving bicycle gangs frightened them. Have you ever seen someone carrying a plasma TV on a Schwinn? No. But, apparently, the riverboat casino that isn't actually a boat, nor is it actually on a river causes no concern.

Idea: Fuel cells.
Pro: Efficient.
Con: No one knows what the hell a fuel cell is and, for that matter, would probably still try to fill it with gas.

Idea: Hydrogen fuel.
Pro: Clean, efficient. Exhaust is water.
Con: Water can be a pollutant, and cause damage to an ecosystem when introduced through non-natural means.

So, I was beginning to think we were stuck with oil until the skies turned black and the ground dried up, leaving us all stranded at work with no way to get home.

Then it occurred to me. Something safe. Something efficient. Something apparently abundant. Something that has caused wars, sure, but has never resulted in the loss of human life (at least, not that they've let us know about).

What is it? Energon.

Yes, Energon should be safe to us. Plus, there are machines who are happy to harvest it:



Ignore the fact that the Energon Cubes appear to have the ability to pass through matter (in this case, those hoses). That minor detail is balanced out by the fact that it has no odor.

Yes, two warring factions of robots fight over it. That's true. But, they usually kill each other and not humans. Sure, they threaten, but it's all empty. They run like little babies when you bring magnets and water near them.

And it's safe for them to carry and touch:



Look how happy they are. They live to serve us. So, let's stop our energy dependence on the Middle East and put it in the hands of giant machines who, surely, would always do our bidding and never hurt us.

The only downside that I've come across is that there is no way to produce Energon Jelly.

Remember: Energon: Power Extreme!

I'm available for consultation.