Becoming a parent gives you the opportunity to create memorable moments for your children. The type of memorable moments that Mike Brady would give his entire bunch after they played ball in the house. “See, I've always believed that it doesn't matter where your home is because home is where your heart is. Now we may lose this house, but we'll always have our family because we're Bradys, and this family is our home. That's why we'll always have our home, as long as we have our family, even if we lose our house, we're still Bradys.” And then my kids would always remember that and share it with their kids.

Granted, the only “quotes” I remember from my parents are, “It’ll put hair on your chest” and, “Where am I going? Crazy if I don’t mend my ways.”

Now it’s my turn. I get to provide the children with their own simple quotes that will always be attributed to me.

But, there comes a time in every child’s life where they discover sass. They have to try it on, see how it feels, how it works. It’s like smoking. Even the good kids try it once.

Matilda is a good kid. She’s a great kid. She never gets in trouble; she’s smart, funny, well spoken and polite. But lately, and maybe it’s her age, she’s been spewing out some rudeness to her mother.

Why is it always Mom that the kids pick on? They never dare sass dad. But MOM, well, she’s going to get every bit of smarmy, gross, cruel comments. The worst I’ll get in the future is “You’re not my real dad.” Well, no I’m not.

But dads tend to say, “What did you say to me?” And the kids shy away. Maybe it’s because dads have a better “serious” voice. Who knows?

The other night Matilda was going to the store with her mom. Mom said to put on a jacket. Matilda threw a fit and started talking back to her mom.

Now, I must interject here. Mothers, in my opinion, are the world’s greatest gift. They should be treated like saints and honored for all they do. The love, the caring, the tenderness. Everything. They deserve honor and respect.

So, in my family, talking back to your mother is a sin. However, I don’t want to be a tough, mean bastard whenever the kids sass their mom. If it was me I could say, “Knock it off” and they would. But moms battle sass with sighs, guilt and hurt feelings. It usually works, but it’s a long-term battle that is designed to make children into kind adults. Dads deal in the moment.

So, Mom sighs and just gives Matilda a hurt look. I feel I must do something. So, I give her my version of a Mike Brady speech.

“Honey, listen to your mother. How old is she? And she’s still alive isn’t she? Clearly she understands survival if she’s lived this long. Just listen to her and put on your jacket.”

So she did. And some day she just might use those words herself.

Parents don’t try to make their kids’ lives a living hell. We don’t want to tell them not to do something. But it’s our job. We try our best to be nice and fair. But sometimes, to a kid, life isn’t fair. It’s hard to understand why you can’t play after dinner because your parents want to hang out with you. They don’t realize that it hurts our feelings when they’d rather play with the neighbor kids than watch a movie with us.

But, in the end, it’s okay. Because, when the time comes, we get to spoil their kids.

Payback’s a bitch.