Positively 44 D

I was innocently watching television last night when a Victoria’s Secret ad came on. Now, normally, I enjoy Victoria’s Secret. After all, I rarely have a problem with looking at a scantily clad woman. I wouldn’t turn down a chance to see a good Monet exhibit either.

But last night was . . . different. It was . . . Horrifying.

The commercial began normally enough. But in the background, instead of the usual sensual music, I hear this. Interesting, I thought. Bob Dylan on a Victoria’s Secret commercial. Strange choice of songs, too, considering the subject matter:

My favorite lines in the song, sung with a particularly biting spite by Bob are:

Sometimes the silence can be like the thunder
Sometimes I wanna take to the road and plunder
Could you ever be true?
I think of you
And I wonder

You really have to chew the space between “I think of you” and “I wonder”. You know, to really show that you do wonder.

I’m thinking, this is strange. Is this the image that you want for a lingerie company? That lingerie makes you love sick? That you become tired of the whole damn thing, eventually you are betrayed, lonely, tired, angry and left longing for someone who is absent, but you can still smell her perfume on the pillows? Sign me up for some of those lacy boy shorts for my wife then! Sounds like a great marital aid.

“Hey honey, look! I bought you some sexy underwear! You can use them for your boyfriend. You destroyed me with a smile. You know what? I’m sick of love, but I’m in the thick of it.”

I can feel the romance oozing from this song. I can’t say it’s sexy, exactly. It’s almost creepy. In fact, that’s why that’s my favorite song on Time Out of Mind. But, for sexy underwear? Seems more like a spurned lover watching his ex-girlfriend and her new lover through the window. And I feel . . . icky.

Then it happened. After they show the skimpy, bulimic model prancing around in white lace and wings, they show this face:



That’s right. Bob is in the commercial. And it’s not the nice looking Bob from the mid-sixties. It’s not even the mid-seventies Gritty Bob. No, it’s the lascivious, anachronistic, evil-carnival-barker-freak show-purveyor-from-Hell-as-played-by-Vincent-Price Bob Dylan. And he’s leering at this poor woman in the slutty angel costume. And I need a shower.

I love Bob Dylan. I really do. I also used to like women in lingerie. Now they are forever melded together. Now, whenever I hear “Clean-Cut Kid”, “Handy Dandy”, “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright”, “Precious Angel”, or “Gates of Eden” I’m going to think of something totally different.

Discuss