Ah yes, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. The one day of the year where it is acceptable to do something utterly horrifying to a glass of beer: by coloring it green. Of course, in the U.S. most of us drink such crappy beer it probably improves the taste. If you’re out there celebrating the day, try one of the Irish beers: Guinness, Beamish, Wexford Irish Cream, Murphy’s or, if you are too much of a wimp, grab a Killian’s. It’s not Irish, but at least it’s based on an old Irish recipe.
But that brings us to the celebration of this day. I’ll be honest, I can’t stand it. Why? Well, as Bill Maher said, “If you’re going to get drunk on St. Patrick’s Day just get drunk. Don’t blame the Irish.”
Brief history: St. Patrick was an Englishman who was kidnapped from Great Brittan by marauders from Ireland where he was enslaved. He escaped several years later and returned home to begin studies as a priest. According to legend he was instructed by God to return to Ireland to convert the pagan Irish to Christianity. Which he did. Apparently pretty well. Legend has it that he used a three-leaf shamrock to teach the Irish about the trinity. And, of course, he was credited for driving the snakes out of Ireland. Most people take that literally, and assume that the snakes then moved the U.S. to become corrupt politicians in the early 20th century. In reality, the snake is probably simply a symbol of the pagan religion being driven out of Ireland. It’s a pretty easy symbol. I mean, the whole snake thing is in the bible.
In Ireland, the holiday also marked a one day breaking of the Lenten fast for Catholics. You’d go to mass in the morning, a parade in the afternoon and in the evening it was the one day during Lent you were allowed to drink and dance. Children wore shamrocks on their sweaters, referencing St. Patrick’s teaching of the trinity.
Let’s move over to North America. St. Patrick’s Day was first celebrated in the US in 1737 in, of course, Boston. I imagine that in the late 1800s and early 1900s that St. Patrick’s Day was all that popular, considering most people despised the Irish in urban areas, due to the mass influx of immigrants.
But, somewhere along the lines, a religious holiday turned into a celebration of all things Irish. Even if it isn’t Irish. The wearing of the Shamrock turned into wearing green in general. And if you don’t wear green, you get pinched.
Of course. Because the Irish pinch everyone. It’s an old Irish family custom.
Naturally, on St. Paddy’s day (as we like to call it here) everyone is Irish! That’s right, one and all, you are Irish! How do you demonstrate that you are Irish? First, eat corned beef and cabbage. Never mind that corned beef and cabbage aren’t exactly national foods of Ireland and that most Irish haven’t exactly eaten them. Unless, of course, you were very poor and lived in the rural areas of Ireland. Then you might have eaten corned beef at the end of Lent. But, that’s like everyone eating Collard Greens in Europe to celebrate America.
Now, you have your food down pat. How do you celebrate? I mean, you’re Irish today, right? Why, you get completely shit faced and puke in public! Why not? You’re Irish! Be proud of that! In fact, if you could get into a fight too! Irish people fight. For good measure, urinate on a public building too. That’s a way of showing your Irish pride. And listen to “When Irish Eyes are Smiling”. You know why? Because it says Irish in it. Get it?
Oh, and do you know what you drink on St. Paddy’s day? Beer! Not Irish beer, of course. Your regular, watered down, crappy tasting Mich Dry. Dyed green! Get it? GREEN! It’s Irish.
And, of course, we’ll plaster everything with little leprechauns. Because that’s Irish too! We’ll take a little, short caricature of something out of Irish culture and assume that it represents all of Irish culture! Forget about the rich Irish folklore, history and literary tradition of Joyce, Wilde, O’Brien, Shaw and Beckett. Screw that, we’ll take Frank McCourt and River Dance.
Look, I don’t think it’s wrong that people enjoy St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t even care that they insist that they are all Irish. I just wonder how actual, born and bred Irishmen feel about how we trample their culture on this day. Consider if we decided to celebrate the Jewish holiday of Purim. Rather than acknowledge what the holiday is about, we’d all dress like Hasidim, say we’re cheap, drink Manishevitz wine and say things like, “You Purim I’ll drink ‘em!”
Yeah, that wouldn’t happen. In fact, people would hate that because it celebrates stereotypes and tramples a religion and culture. But having the National Symbol of Ireland be the alcoholic is A-OK!
Ah, screw it. It’s 10 a.m. on St. Patrick’s Day. Time for a beer.
Or, as we say in the O’Brien house, “Just another day!”
Discuss
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