It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry

A note to a friend:

"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved." – Kurt Vonnegut

Life is difficult. Anyone who tells you differently is either selling you financial planning services or a complete idiot. I vote for the idiot distinction.

The important thing with any life is not to make it more complicated than it need be. For us humans, us poor, stupid humans, that’s the hardest part. We like to assign responsibility, blame, motivation and ideas where there are none. Or, worse, where we want to see something that isn’t there. We make excuses for each other but, in the end, we can only be responsible for who we are, what we do and how we treat each other.

Kurt Vonnegut, whose comments will be peppered throughout, once said, “We are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is.” How true, Kurt. No matter what hand life deals us, we just want to be able to look behind us and see that there’s someone standing there nodding and saying, “Yes, go for it.” For without that support, we’re nothing but our ideas, passions and choices. And, let’s face it; humans left to their own devices make perfectly horrible choices half the time. Mark Twain had it right when he said, “"The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.”

And that’s why we search for love and commitment. For someone to constantly to be the one standing behind us nodding. Someone who will be willing to say, without question, “You are the biggest fool I know, but I’ll support you wherever you go.” If you’re lucky, and I know I am, you have someone who can do that.

Because life, no matter how you cut it, is a team sport. You just can’t do it alone. We like to pretend that we do, but it’s impossible to make it through without a coach, cheering section and, sometimes, pinch hitter. When you find that in your life it’s important to grab onto it and never let go.

But sometimes you also have to look at what you have on hand, what works, what’s broken, what’s just plain goofy and realize that in order to win; sometimes you have to give something up.

Bob Dylan, American Troubadour that he is, once wrote:

No, and I ain't lookin' to fight with you,
Frighten you or uptighten you,
Drag you down or drain you down,
Chain you down or bring you down.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

Sometimes, though, in the deepest overtures of love and friendship you do happen to fight, you do frighten, uptighten, chain, lock, shock and categorize. It happens. Because, any relationship has to grow, change and evolve with the people involved. Otherwise, all those involved simply become some sort of figurehead, you play a role. Most importantly, those who know you, who are involved with your life, eventually, have to stop and learn to see you for who you are, not how they perceive you.

And that is frightening. Yet, usually, the things that frighten us the most are the things that most need to happen. Sometimes it’s that fear that spurs life to move on to the next stage.

We’re on this planet, inhabiting this dumb, selfish flesh for far too short a time to not do the things that frighten us. To go get that job, kiss the girl, or let go of what we think is so important.

Sometimes you have to let go. When you let go, and give whatever it is that you’re holding so close to your chest its own chance at life, you give it the chance to enrich your life in a new way. Or, it may go away. That’s why it’s so frightening.

The key is to know when to let go. Do you hold it close to your chest until it can no longer breathe? Or do you risk everything and allow it to move on and grow knowing that, after the initial pain is over, it may come back to you. Stronger, smarter, more understanding.

Sometimes you have to let go or you may smother love. Letting go is difficult, it’s frightening. But when you let go, as long as you’re always reaching out, you’re never truly giving it up.

Don’t tie everything into a moment in time. Life can’t be captured in amber. It’s fluid, ever changing. Don’t assign roles based on the past, or even the present. Sometimes you have to stand up and let everyone around you chose what role they will play in your life. It’s their choice. Just as it’s your choice what role you’ll play in their life.

Just make sure you’re always reaching out.

Give life its own chance. See what it does. Let go of the handle bars and raise your hands. Maybe you’ll crash into the grass, or you may get the ride of your life. How will you know if you don’t try?

"We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down." –Kurt Vonnegut