I'm Frightened. Hold Me.

The kids, who have been tearing each other apart for two weeks, are sitting together, quietly watching TV while I blast Esquivel from the stereo. (Yes! The stereo! They're letting me listen to the stereo! Loudly!)
I'm slightly frightened about what's going on. Someone has stolen my kids' brains!

Actually, what's frightening me is that suddenly I'm a top result for Tom Cruise with any combination of weird words in Google. Type in "Tom Cruise Theory of Peanut butter" and I'm there. Not that I'm surprised. I've been a top destination for "albino nipple" and "Boobah penis" for years.

Here are my favorite recent Google searches:

1. scientology science fiction tom cruise
2. conet project lost abc
3. green poo in babies
4. what does wang chung mean (I get a lot of results for people looking for Wang Chung, though usually on my old site . . . Their appearance on NBC last week made it worse.)
5. tom cruise science
6. Ikea ottoman
7. Ikea ottoman
8. best blogs tom cruise
9. beulah lyrics my horoscope said it would be a bad year
10. mix xanax vicodin
11. valium drip (I need to start looking at what I post)
12. I am my own twin
13. update on Pauley Shore (now I'm scared)
14. "piss like a russian race horse"
15. milk-a-cow wmv
16. LYRICS I WOULD LOVE TO TURN YOUR VICE AND MAKE A SILLY ERROR TWICE (Those are lyrics to a Negro Problem song, for some reason I get a ton of hits for this song. Great song.)
17. operating thetan tom cruise
18. "good vibrations " analysis of recording techniques beach boys
19. change wood paneling
20. wilco be not so nervous be not so pale
21. "Coat ee chah tu glo wah"
22. SMILE 1967
23. yub nub
24. take a flying fuck at a rolling donut
25. counting crows and stew bleed
26. bilbo linkfilter
27. "Dan Fogelberg" blog

Um. I had a point, but I forgot whilst typing out this frivolity. Nevermind. Talk amongst yourselves.