Ever since Geek Friend left, my wife keeps telling me that I need some sort of social interaction outside of seven-year-olds after school and the fleeting moments that I spend with Mickey G’s people at the office when I drop things off.

I agree except, the only things I’m interested in doing are listening to music, watching movies and reading. Those are my favorite relaxing moments and they aren’t exactly social, you know? You talk to me during a movie and I’ll punch you.

She suggested taking a class. Which is a good idea but, all the classes I want to take would involve people I really wouldn’t want to hang out with. Astronomy students would be fun, but I’m not sure they relax by watching surreal French films. Do they? I don’t know. Physics students would all be smarter than me. Plus, I’m not sure I’m prepared to head back to college life without committing to an overall goal. Maybe I’ll go get my PhD in English or something.

I have a ton of projects to keep my busy. I’m writing two books of my own, John and I have a ton of irons in the fire, I’m working on a play that I hope my brother-in-law will find a way to perform and I’m writing a short film. All in addition to writing for this website and doing my daily work. It’s hectic.

If I had any “buddies” that had time or lived near by, we’d go get beer periodically. But my old beer buddies are working on getting their lives set up with new wives, new kids, etc. Just like me.

So, I have no social interaction or outlets at all. I sit in the same room all day. I work here. I play here. I eat here. I’m surprised I don’t sleep here. I need a change of scenery.

So, I’m considering taking up a new hobby. First I considered quilting. I hear it’s a great social event and a good place to meet ladies of a certain age and experience. But, I’m not sure my wife would like that. I also considered starting a writer’s group, where we could share our writing and talk about it. But, most writers are insecure. Yet they have a feeling of superiority over other writers. So, most of the time no one would talk. We’d all brood and think how horrible our own work is while secretly feeling that Joanie’s poem was complete tripe and how we could all write a sonnet better than that with our eyes closed and both muses tied behind our backs.

I’ve also ruled out scuba diving, sky diving, swan diving, cliff diving, boat racing, car racing, pig racing, cock fighting, autophillia, ballroom dancing, fashion design, softball, basketball, lacrosse, floor hockey, air hockey, ski ball, skeet shooting and multi-level checkers.

What to do?

Then it dawned on me. I’m too sedentary. I need to find a hobby that I not only enjoy, get social interaction out of AND that provides me with physical exertion. I ruled out my first instinct, which was calling large men unseemly names and then running like hell. So, I searched my entire life trying to remember what I was good at that brought me joy and endorphins.

Then it hit me. Semi-professional kickball. As far as I know there isn’t a currently existing league. I’ll call all my old beer buddies and grant each one a team. We’ll work out a schedule and start league play in the spring. We hope to expand by next fall into new markets.

Let’s look at the plusses:

1. Good sport.
2. Great sound when a ball is kicked.
3. Who doesn’t love the smell of a good kickball?
4. We could sell tickets.
5. We could still drink beer.
6. Skinned knees.

The minuses:

1. Salary caps.
2. Arbitration.
3. Fitting in luxury boxes at the local playground.

The rules will remain the same. Only now, tagging someone out will happen with a certain ferocity that wasn’t there before. Plus, the more beer that is consumed, the better the game gets.

Besides, softball is for wimps. Kickball ’03 is on its way!