Wow. I just noticed how heavy and depressing I’ve been lately. Sorry about that. Sometimes you get introspective. For me, I write it. So, I suppose that it becomes extrospective.

The good news is that I’m not depressed. In fact, I’m very happy. Tired and busy, longing for a real house to own, but happy nonetheless.

I still am listening to a lot of Nick Cave though.

But there are more important things going on these days. For instance, the invasion of the Lizard People. When I say Lizard People I, of course, mean one lizard that is not really a person or humanoid but, rather, a very small, cute little salamander about the size of my pinky.

Yes cute. He’s a cute little bugger. I wonder how he got in? Maybe . . . due to the fact that the kid-cattle that runs in and out of my house all day leaves the door open constantly?

So, it’s Monday morning and I’m getting my Cheerios for breakfast. (Now known as Ochee-O’s in our house. The ones that Gertrude finds on the floor, the ones she saves for moments when she gets hungry, are called “Icky O’s”. ) There on the door jam of the pantry is a tiny lizard. I go to get our humane trap (a big cup and a file folder) to release him back to the wild, but he jumps into the pantry and hides amongst our bulk items on the bottom. Crap. We have a lizard in the pantry.

I get my breakfast and sit down with Matilda.

“There’s a lizard in the pantry,” I say calmly.

“WHAT? Will you put my bowl in the sink for me? I’m afraid now.”

“It’s only a small one. It’s not like there’s Kimodo Dragon in there. He won’t hurt you. In fact, he only eats bugs and is probably terrified of your giant feet.”

“But. Gross!”

“Honey, Herbert can’t hurt you.”

“Herbert? YOU NAMED THE LIZARD?”

Of course I named the lizard. This isn’t Planet of the Apes. I have compassion for the little guy. He doesn’t want to be here any more than we want him here. He’d prefer to be on a big, warm rock, sunning himself before heading south for the winter. (Lizards head south for the winter, right?)

I saw him a few times since. But he always moved too quickly. The little bastard thought I was going to hurt him.

But today. Today I saw him by Matilda’s shoes. The kind that light up when she steps. So, I ran to get my humane trap and . . . I tapped the shoe. The lights dazed him and I put the cup over him and slid the folder underneath. Walking to the door, I said good-bye, and I set him down outside and he scampered off.

At least now I know he’s safe in his own world again. And not eating my Ochee-O’s. That little lizard bastard.

Heard somewhere deep within a lizard home:
“Herbert! You’re home! I was so worried.”

“I’m okay Mom. Gary caught me and set me free. He’s really nice.”

”YOU NAMED THE HUMAN????”