Sometimes I am truly grateful for the fact that I was born male. Seriously, we have it so much easier than women. I’ve never had to wear pantyhose nor have I had to suffer other men giving me “dirty looks”. And we won’t even get into menstruation. A man would have one cramp and fall to the floor and cry for five days.

But my true reason goes back to childhood. Growing up a girl must be one of the most horrible experiences ever. I’m watching it happen right now and am often flabbergasted that what I’ve seen hasn’t left my daughter with a deep emotional scar (and it may, we just haven’t progressed that far yet).

Little girls wield their emotions like swords. They slice and dice one another with phrases, hurt looks and the silent treatment. It’s cruel. A little girl will cut off another girl emotionally until they are either no longer friends or the other girl bends to her will.

I’ve always thought that the female of the species was the sensitive one. The one in touch with emotions. Kind, caring, considerate. What I’ve seen of seven-year-old girls proves me wrong. They are Attila the Hun and Idi Amin rolled into one. Barbaric, emotional dictators.

Show no weakness around little girls. They prey upon it looking for the upper hand. And when they smell a weakness, such as being over sensitive and being prone to crying, they seize it and press your buttons until you run away crying.

I can’t figure out why this is. I suppose it’s a normal jockeying amongst friends to find the balance of power. But I can’t explain it and I don’t understand it.

Look at boys in comparison. If boys disagree, they’ll beat the crap out of one another and that’s it. It’s out of their system and they wipe up the blood and go back to their usual thing. Here’s how boys apologize.

“Dude.”

“Dude. Wanna play Tony Hawk?”

”Primo.”

A girl fight can spread for days and one will never know that they are fighting. They’ll give one another icy stares and they will ignore each other and they’ll cry alone. One of them will eventually break and they’ll go back to one another. But those two or three days are filled with a frosty air of indifference.

Worse yet is the way they subtly attack one another. For example they’ll be playing nicely together and then they’ll pull out the knives.

“Why are you being so sensitive?”

Wham. The gloves are down and the battle of emotions is on. Estrogen is sprayed all over the walls and the girls lock into a death stare of youthful indifference. Everything they say really means, “I can live without you.” Everything they do is meant to be an insult. Hearts are broken and emotions left wounded.

It’s damn messy. Makes me miss the fistfights my brothers and I used to have over Stomper trucks.

I’m glad I’m a male. Really glad. Though I think I’d look pretty hot in a nice silk dress with a Mandarin collar.