I don’t really have anything to say today. The little sausage (Gertrude) and I slept in for a while this morning and we’re both a little groggy. For some reason, neither of us really wanted to begin the day. No reason why, really, since all we do is play, eat and mess our diapers. (Well, I clean the diapers.)

Yesterday I picked up a Boppy for her. She’s become more interested in vertical, versus horizontal, play. Unfortunately for all of us, she can only sit up for about 1/1000th of a second. The Boppy gives her the ability of not falling over. To an infant, this is a major boon to her life.

Now she can sit up and play without the fear of spilling backward and slamming her head against the floor. That little melon of hers is sensitive!

I feel I must explain the sausage bit. Gertrude has gained a chubby quality that is as adorable as it is dangerous. Her little arms have a cute little pudginess that makes you go, “Aw she’s so cuuuuuuute!” Flash forward to six am where she’ll only finish off her fitful night of sleep in bed with me, while mom gets ready for work.

That cute little pudgy arm flails about with the power of a sausage shot from an air cannon. When it goes slamming into your face, it hurts.

Last night I actually wrote something that would merit the phrase “creative writing.” I don’t know what I’ll do with it. I certainly can’t publish it here because, well . . . it’s not bloggy.

It all started when I was driving in the car listening to Steve Ward and Cherry Twister do a killer cover of McCartney’s “Another Day.” I started thinking about this woman looking into a mirror wondering if she’s pretty. Everything else formed from there.

Seriously, though, I don’t know what to do with it. It’s only about three pages long, so it couldn’t possibly be published. It’s only a vignette, so it’s not really a beginning of something larger.

I just don’t know what it is.

Ah well, this was the most useless blog I’ve ever written. Sorry about that. Tomorrow I want to discuss the differences between a state that is ruled by religion and a state that is ruled by agnostics.

I have to go now. I’ve been asked to solve the problems in the Mid East. (Mid East? Why is it called the Mid East? I’m sure the residents would call it “here.” And we don’t call the US the “Evil West.”)

I have a solution to the problem, which will clear up all the animosity that thousands of years of conflict have stirred up. It’s not a simple solution, but I think with a little faith and good judgment Sharon and Arafat will accept.

It involves cheese. No one is unhappy when they have cheese.