Ugh. I have just had no interest in communication lately. I have emails that have gone unanswered in my inbox for at least a month. I look at them and figure that I’ll answer them eventually, or the person will die and I won’t have to worry about it.

In the end, everyone will die. If I die first, then I’m exonerated. If the intended recipient dies first then the grudge is dropped.

I mean, really, to carry a grudge into the afterlife is pretty petty, don’t you think? What would they be thinking? You’re dead. Get over yourself. Jeez. If I were dead, I’d be investigating all that meant. If a dead Indian can inspire Jim Morrison, then I want to be the dead spiritual advisor to someone.

“Oh Gary, my dead spiritual advisor, what should I do?”

”Change the station to channel 8. ALF is on.”

I just haven’t really wanted to talk to anyone of late. I’m being stingy with my thoughts. Unless, of course, those thoughts are pointless.

For example. Why the hell does my next-door neighbor vacuum ten times a day? I’m all for cleanliness, but this borders on OCD.

Another. Why does my other neighbor think it’s acceptable to bear her midriff? Even her doctor doesn’t want to see her midriff.

Another. The girl who lives downstairs appears to have a child that slips into a time vortex. Sometimes he exists. Sometimes he doesn’t. Perhaps he has powers that are beyond my comprehension. However, he may be trying to escape his skanky mother and her tattoo on the small of her back and the back of her neck. Sometimes he looks at me with saddened eyes as if saying, “Do all moms wear Daisy Dukes and tube tops? Help me! She smokes when she changes my diaper. I’m going to get cancer and diaper rash at the same time.”

That was mean. Ah hell, who cares. Anyone else want to be attacked? I’m in a mood. Hmmmmmmmmm. Who else sucks?

Hey, I did see something uplifting yesterday. A young woman had a flat tire on our street. As I was walking out to bring her a phone or offer her a ride to get help (I have an infant . . . not much else I could do on a hot day) a young man walking his dog offered to help. 45 minutes later, she had her spare tire on and the guy just walked away. The clearly didn’t know one another. That made me feel good.

Anything else? Well, I turn 29 on Sunday. No big deal. I bought my own present by accident this year. Looking forward to that. New Elvis Costello on Tuesday. That’s cool. Wife said I could preorder the Lord of the Rings DVD today, even though we’re going to be buying another version in November (today’s will be the original cut of the film. November’s is a director’s cut. That’s important.)

Oh, and I’m having Gertrude wired for a null suit. Figure she might need to survive in a vacuum if those morons in the Middle East can’t figure out a way to stop killing one another.

I may be back later today. I’ve heard so many stupid comments lately that I have to say something . . . Or should I say, I must make fun of others.