Well, the computer is dead again and I sit here on the crappy one watching the words catch up to my typing. Bad hard drive again. Those who are at fault know who they are, but cannot accept blame for faulty products (many times over) because they can’t hear complaints with their heads shoved so neatly up their rectal regions.

It happened last night. All of a sudden. No warning. Scanning for viruses and then . . . Freeze. Restart. Nothing. Restart. Nothing. Restart. Nothing. Dead. Gone. All data lost. All the work I’ve done in the past few months gone. Stupid me didn’t back up in that time because my file size quota hadn’t been reached.

I plan on purchasing an automated back up system now. I’ve had it with incidents and accidents. It’s over. Now vengeance shall be mine. No matter what happens, I’ll always have my data. It’ll be portable and totally separate.

Yes. I’m hiring monks to transcribe my files for me. I will be victorious in the data wars!

Sadly, I lost a story I had written. The first short story I had written in a long, long time. I hope someone in Boston still has it. Maybe he can send me a copy.

It was funny, though. I didn’t react to my data loss the way I thought I would. Or the way I thought I should. When all this started happening I just sat there numb and a little nauseated. Chris asked me what was wrong and Kaitlyn said, “Don’t! He’ll get upset!”

But I didn’t. Irritated, perhaps, but not upset. Not angry. I just felt . . . detached bitterness. The way a Nihilist would feel if he discovered there was something that he could believe in. His own ethos.

But, alas, I didn’t rage against the dying of the drive. I accepted it with grace and humility. To fight the fight another day! Today is that day. I’m being cool, calm and collected as I talk to my various customer service reps. They’ll learn that, just because they can fix it doesn’t mean that the problem will go away. A faulty component will not suddenly be healed by their divine touch. Replace the damn thing. Start anew. Let it wash away its data sins in the rubbish bin.

Why didn’t I get angry? Why wasn’t I upset?

Well, it’s simple, really. Despite the fact that I lost megabytes of wonderful data and beautiful photos of my children, I still had the most important things.

I have a back up computer, for one. Little time lost in the working arena, except for the few hours I have to recreate material.

But, after I gave up I went upstairs. Lying in bed was a beautiful six-year-old girl who is growing into such a poised and intelligent young lady. She’s carving her own path in life, discovering who she is. She’s finding out the blissful pains that this life causes. She’s learning that the Universe isn’t always a fair playmate.

Across the room, in the crib was a little girl who is just beginning this journey. So fresh, and young. Innocence embodied. She doesn’t yet know what a skinned knee feels like. Or a paper cut. She doesn’t know think that you need TV to enjoy yourself. She’s content to roll around on the floor, giggling at her newfound mobility. She’s on the cusp of crawling. Determined, she gets on all fours and rocks back and forth, vigorously. Without fail, she falls. But one of these times, she knows, something magical will happen and her arms and legs will figure out what to do.

In the next room was a beautiful woman waiting to hug me and tell me that we’ll figure this out. That we can replace what was lost. Even though I know she didn’t believe it herself, she knew that I needed to be reassured.

And so, how could I be angry with a computer? It’s just a piece of machinery. Life is happening around me every second. Why waste time on dark feelings when my house is full of the joy of discovery?